I want you to imagine walking into a bookshop one day with nothing particular in mind to buy. You pull a book at random from out of the shelves and start reading the back cover. You discover it’s about a cabal of murderous cardinals trying to kill the pope or something and only some renowned history professor or art critic or whatever can stop them. You assume it’s a satire or at least a pulpy adventure story with a good sense of humor, but the first few pages reveal it to be an overly serious, 500-page slog. You put the novel back on the shelf and never think about it again. What you don’t realize is that, with proper author branding, the book I described sold millions of copies and wowed readers worldwide. We’ll learn how author branding can establish a deep emotional connection between readers and authors and eliminate the need to always write good books on this installment of Stories’ Matter.

Author branding is essentially how you are perceived by your audience and your identity as a writer. As an author you’ll need some unique hook beyond the pages of your writing to capture your audience’s trust, respect and admiration. 

Before you start building your brand, I suggest asking yourself three questions:

1. How am I unique?

I realize this is a tough question. Very few of us are truly exceptional, and most of the exceptional ones are devious sexual predators who wouldn’t blink an eye about poisoning the water supply. Still, if not you, think hard about what sets your work apart.

For me, I had to consult with family and neighbors, who were the only people who read them, to find that connective thread. It wasn’t until then I realized that, aside from brutal violence against women, almost all my books depicted heroes overcoming great odds in unexpected ways.

Now, personally I’m not especially heroic. Just to give an example, spiders terrify me and also I’ve watched three different people drown in lakes without swimming in to save them. Still, with successful branding, people often see John Lazarus as synonymous with atypical acts of heroism. 

2. What is the psychology of my readers? What do they need from me?

Except for the desperately ugly, retirees whose children don’t love them and literal bibliophiles, most people don’t consume books compulsively. The average American only reads 1.3 books every year. So how can you make sure you’re that one book and not that .3 book? Well, think about value you hope to bring to your readers through your work.

Will they learn how to manipulate someone into sex? Will they get to experience a story that involves action AND comedy? Will they discover that licensed psychologists can’t report past crimes to police regarding drowning bodies?

3. Am I attractive? Can I make myself more attractive?

There’s good news and bad news with this one. The bad news is that most fake beards to hide your lack of a jawline won’t stay on long enough for book readings, signings and meet and greets. The good news is that for writers, the bar of attractiveness is pretty low.

But while Henry James and Emily Dickinson could blame it on typhus and tuberculosis, you’ll have to at least attempt to make it look like you didn’t emerge from a long shift at White Castle in the Louisiana bayou. I suggest applying as much makeup as possible. Women think Kylie Jenner, men think Disintegration-era Robert Smith. Lose weight by walking at least 500 steps a day. If all else fails, hide your face and body behind oversized cowboy hats and Mexican ponchos.

Once you answered these questions, it’s time to start building your brand identity.

Step One: Write an author tagline.

Just like your books, your author brand needs a tagline, a catchy slogan by which your audience can identify you. This can be posted on social media accounts, at the end of blog entries, even on book covers. Here are some from other famous authors: Live Free or Die Hard (Benjamin Franklin), Sex, Drugs and Drugs (Hunter S. Thompson), The Thinking Man’s Dean Koontz (Stephen King), Your Favorite Psychotic’s Favorite Psychotic (Philip K. Dick).

Now, as I said earlier, try to tie this to your connective thread I mentioned earlier. That’s why I ended up with the tagline “Small stories. Big heroes” after the publisher rejected my first attempt “Bloody stories, bloodier women.”

Step Two: Build a visual identity

Unfortunately, authors of today have to be graphic designers as much as writers. Sure, 100 years ago, you could focus on the words, do cocaine with Freud and ignore the signs of impending fascism, but today’s literary landscape demands more. Visual identity means things like color schemes, fonts, icons, logos, watermarks, headshots, capitalization. Improper line spacing on a press release can make or break an author. Hiring an outside firm’s your best bet, but if not possible, use these tips. Black and white never misses, especially on those headshots. It gives you a classic professional look and will cover up any skin blotchiness from excessive drinking. And If you’re using acronyms, make sure to avoid slurs. This almost killed Jesmyn Evelyn Ward’s career before it took off.  

Step Three: Build your brand any way you can

Finally, use any and every online platform you can to market yourself. Youtube, Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, Reddit, Amazon, 4Chan, 8Chan, Erowid, Liveleaks, Rotten.com, all online forums you can. But don’t ignore the power of offline marketing. When I was starting out, I’d drive around the country to different towns, hire a dozen local actors to be my audience and set up a book reading at the most popular café I could. I’d pay small children to write my website URL in chalk on the sidewalk. I’d steal all the books from Little Free Libraries and replace them with copies of my own.

Just remember: You’re an American and that means every party, every cookout, every dance recital, every family funeral, every is a chance to network and market yourself.