Five Must-Know Facts About Manuscript Appraisals

by Qate Blanjett

laughing at book

Manuscript appraisal is one of the cornerstones of the publishing process. It can help you become a better writer and turn your book from a piece of trash even your best friends belittle you for to a best-seller. Simply put, manuscript appraisal is when someone reads an early draft of your book and gives you notes on different structural elements of your story, such as pace, tone, plot, and character.

The feedback you’re given can be life-changing. Many people don’t know this, but George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Fire and Ice was originally a series of cookbooks before a manuscript appraiser convinced him to turn in into the medieval fantasy saga we all know and love today.

Below, I ask and answer five questions about manuscript appraising which I think hope illuminate the process to the uninitiated.

Do I need a manuscript appraisal?

This is an important question to ask yourself. The short answer is, if you haven’t written a book and don’t want to be an author, then no. If so, then yes. The long answer is the same thing but written in a more long-winded, roundabout way that someone who does manuscript appraisal can help you make more concise.

What kind of appraisal service should I choose?

With the rise of digital publishing, more and more appraisal services have been sprouting up. But how is an inexperienced author supposed to know who to choose? Generally speaking, it’s more convenient to pick somebody local, but if you have a small budget, outsourcing the job to West Africa is another good option. Still, you have to be careful. Some red flags to look for:

  • Companies that require a blood sample
  • Companies that don’t have or know what a “website” is
  • Companies that offer an appraisal within 24 hours
  • Businesses registered as toothpaste manufacturers for tax purposes
  • Testimonials that refer to the company as a “bunch of shitheads”
  • Companies that only offer appraisals in the form of “would bang” and “would not bang”

How do I know if my manuscript is ready for appraisal?

Ideally, you’d like to have the best possible draft of your work ready when you start to appraise. But more realistically, you’re a really shitty writer, which is why you’re doing the whole appraisal thing in the first place. So just get to where ever you feel is good and let the people you’re paying do the hard work.

What sort of feedback can you expect?

This is a tough one. Because you’re really just tossing a coin. Some appraisers are less professional than others, and will resort to personal attacks and name calling. They’ll say your ideas are “borderline genocidal” and “a symptom of the decline of political debate in this country.” More level-headed appraisers will be more constructive and positive, telling you “you’re one of the ones who gets it” and “not afraid to offend the snowflakes.”

What should I include when sending in my manuscript for appraisal?

Below I’ve compiled a list of the definitely yeses, definitely nos and definitely maybes.

Definitely Yes

  • Your manuscript
  • A cover letter
  • A killer mixtape
  • A short synopsis
  • Some chocolates or other types of sweets
  • An author bio that forgoes some of your more personal beliefs, such as that of your views on miscegenation

Definitely No

  • Hair and most other types of human remains
  • Somebody else’s manuscript
  • A copy of an already published best-seller
  • Erotic photography of the author
  • A personal manifesto that definitely includes your views on miscegenation

Definitely Maybe

  • Deer hair
  • An assortment of jerked meats
  • An author bio that explains your fragile mental state and likelihood to resort to self-harm when faced with criticism
  • Erotic photography of an attractive person
  • Your return address

10 Big Mistakes New Authors Make

by Truitt Collyns

hunt-and-peck-2

1. Limiting your marketing venues

With the rise of digital platforms most new authors know to take advantage of online social media marketing (Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Breitbart), but most stop there. And in doing so, you prevent yourself from reaching so many key demographics: the elderly, Luddites, obese people with fingers too fat to type, the poor, convicts without access to electronics, people who never really considered owning a phone or computer, or even those who prefer spending time outdoors. But fortunately, there’s many other marketing avenues available even to the most inexperienced authors that will give your work the necessary exposure. Try, for example, taking a printed copy of your book to your local library and reading it loudly in a crowded area. If it’s a comedy, make sure to laugh boisterously at your own jokes, and if it’s horror, scream during the most intense sections. If time is not a factor for you, consider transcribing your first few chapters in chalk on the sidewalk, preferably in your town’s highest foot traffic areas. And if money is not a factor, skywriting is another option.

2. Writing for fun

Simply put, writing is a job, no different than being a doctor, plumber or general secretary of the United Nations. And just like those jobs, it’s a soul-crushing, mind-numbing endeavor that will make you question the purpose of your existence daily. And although if you have the talent and put in the hard work it’s likely to pay more than any of those jobs, it’s still not something anyone would consider fun. So if you’re going to quit your day job to write full time, make sure you’re doing it for the money and fame and not because you think it’ll be easier and more relaxing than teaching autistic children how to read.

3. Getting a professional book cover

You’ve all heard the maxim “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” It’s one of the first things they teach you in school. That’s right: Even little children know that you’ve got to look inside a book to know if it’s worth reading. Yet new authors will pay hundreds of dollars to graphic artists to design a book cover, when that money could be spent on more important things, like food stamps, alimony or insulin.

4. Forgetting to cultivate your image

Just like musicians and actors, authors aren’t really selling their books – they’re selling themselves. Experts say that after the title and the first chapter, the most important part of your book is the author photo. Readers want to relate to the people telling them stories. Do you think Stephen King would be nearly as popular as he is if he didn’t inspire people by showing them that even hideously ugly people could attain fame and fortune? And what’s more likely: that people like Dan Brown for his sharp blazer/sweater combos, or for his writing? And JK Rowling showed millions around the world that you could be a successful author and a woman.

5. Disregarding the competition

Most new authors feel their work can succeed on its own merits. They tell themselves that so long as my story is well-written and people can relate to it, I’ll have done my job. But real authors know how cutthroat this industry is. To get ahead, you’ve got to be willing to go on the offense. Let’s say I’m a prospective buyer and I’m looking for a new sci-fi adventure story. Am I just going to pick a book at random? More likely, I’ll choose work by an author who doesn’t support ISIS, or whose writing doesn’t “suck a bag of dongs.” People forget Robert Ludlum rose to prominence after publicly decrying Tom Clancy’s use of “underage orphan ghost writers.”

6. Forgetting to tell your publisher to get an IBSN

7. Putting page numbers in the middle of pages instead of at the bottom

8. Not paying tribute to any of the myriad satanic secret societies to which so many agents and editors at New York publishing houses belong

9. Using the “hunt and peck” method of typing.

10. Forgetting that agents and publicists are open to bribes, blackmail and extortion. 

Six Huge Changes Coming to the Publishing Industry in the Next Decade

by Qate Blanjett

book publishing

By the year 2028, scientists project more than half of the earth will be populated by people. Global warming will have escalated to the extent that the five largest corporations will be air conditioning manufacturers. The largest city on the planet will be Tokyo and the largest country will be Africa.

Taking into account current financial, academic and social trends, experts project the publishing industry is likely to see the following turbulent changes to its present platform.

1) Free book rental

Due to increasing unemployment in the Western world, millions will have a surplus of spare time but diminishing disposable income in comparison to previous eras. To resolve this problem, many governments will start subsidizing the publishing industry by purchasing large amounts of books, which will be stored at local facilities for open to the public. Readers can go to these places to not only peruse new and old titles, but also to rent books completely free of charge, provided they are returned within a predesignated period of time.

2) Mental link between authors and readers

In the next few years, we’re likely to see companies offer titles that can be downloaded directly to artificial memory chips already installed in a reader’s cerebral cortex, but by 2028, we’ll go a step further. Readers will simply visit their favorite author’s website and for a nominal fee, will be able to “mind-link” with the author and have the latest installment of their favorite saga telepathically transmitted to them. This will also benefit authors by saving countless hours of typing time.

3) The return of papyrus handscrolls

As we’ve seen in the past decade, despite the convenience and availability of emerging high-tech formats, many readers still prefer traditional forms of media. Therefore, we’re likely to see a 1400 percent increase in the amount of handscrolls sold, and the big publishing houses will devote at least 30 to 50 percent of their workforce to transcribing the latest best sellers on these scrolls.

4) Poorly written books will no longer be profitable

Places like Harvard and MIT are already at work on an algorithm that can tell whether a book is good or not. No longer will popularity and acclaim be subject to the whims of the literary critic or the Amazon reviewer. This algorithm will provide every single piece of literature in existence with an unbiased “value score” determining its literary merit. New novels – by debut self-published authors and firmly-established giants alike – that fail to reach a certain threshold will be removed from bookstores and likely deleted from existence.

5) Harper-Collins will buy a five percent stake in Penguin Random House

This will happen on July 18th, 2023.

6) Publisher and author dynamic likely to change

It’s very likely that, due to increase market pressure and a rise in the number of potential clients, established authors will be pressured heavily by publishers to produce work in a timely manner. In one possible scenario, a representative of the publishing company will inject a load of small nanobots into the author carrying a payload of strychnine in polymer sacs that, should she fail to meet a deadline, will be torn and released into the bloodstream causing instant paralysis and death.

How to Outline Your Novel in 33 Easy Steps

by Truitt Collyns

 

computer typing

Step 1 – Think of a title: I’m not talking about for your book, obviously – just a file title so you can save this and come back to it later. Something like “New Book Outline” or “Fantasy Novel Outline” should work.

Step 2 – Think of a title for your book. It must be attention-grabbing, original and tied to the story in some interesting way. This will determine whether or not people pick up your book, so if you screw this up, every other step after this will be a complete waste of time.

Step 3 – Decide between numbers, letters or bullet points.

Step 4 – If you chose numbers, decide between Arabic or Roman numerals.

Step 5 – Think of everything that’s going to happen in the novel. Then map it on a circle. If there’s more than one timeline, map the second on a star.

Step 6 – Give every single character a name. This familiarity will better help you enter each character’s head space and care about what happens to them throughout the course of the story.

Step 7 – Have a random number generator select a number between 1 and 200. Whichever number it chooses, that’s your page number. Write what you think should appear there.

Step 8 – Since you probably skipped the book title step, go back and do that now.

Step 9 – If this is your first book, try not to think about how this is so much more arduous and time consuming than you thought it would be.

Step 10 – If you’ve written before to no success, try not to think about how that was probably all due to poor planning and outlining.

Step 11 – Give each character a few descriptors – just a phrase or two related to appearance and personality. Focus on specifics so they don’t all blend together: “footlong eyebrows,” “189 pounds” “ski jump world record holder.”

Step 12 – Hand draw all the settings you plan to use in your story for reference.

Step 13 – Give every single one of those places names, too.

Step 14 – Choose the genre you’d like to write in. Examples include Epistolary novels, sports erotica, post-positivist neo-Classicism, realistic fables, and literary fiction.

Step 15 – Choose the direction of your narrative. In English, we go left to right, but some languages, like Hebrew, go right to left, and classical Mandarin goes up to down.

Step 16 – Pick a narrator and style of narration. And even if you never use it, you should probably give him or her a name, too.

Step 17 – Think about how long of a time period your story takes place in. Convert that number into days and divide by 14.

Step 18 – Go back to your circle map from earlier and try to identify the peaks and troughs of your narrative.

Step 19 – Try to state the theme of your story in a single sentence. Then, try to do it with a wordless grunt, shriek or howl.

Step 20 – Start writing all of this stuff down.

Step 21 – Start researching possible publishers. Again, we don’t want to make this whole thing a waste of time.

Step 22 – Get a coffee, take a nap or watch a little TV. You’ve earned a little “me” time.

Step 23 – Choose a narrative voice. To stand out in a crowd, consider the second person.

Step 24 – You’re probably feeling a little lost by this point. Email several of your favorite authors and ask them to send samples of outlines from their books.

Step 25 – While you’re waiting for that, identify the climax of your story. No matter what, this will now be merely the first climax of a book so good and action-packed it seems like it’s never going to end.

Step 26 – Find a way to leave the ending open for a sequel.

Step 27 – Make a list of people to whom you want to dedicate the story. Whittle it down to one or two.

Step 28 – Check and make sure everything else in your life is still in order. Don’t want what’s basically a glorified hobby getting in the way of something important.

Step 29 – If you come across anything that seems clichéd, keep it. That means it’s worked for others and is simply part of a successful formula.

Step 30 – Go take one last look at that title and make sure it sounds good.

Step 31 – Write out the main plot points in a clear and concise manner from beginning to end. Reorder any scenes you feel are out of place. Delete ones you think won’t work. Don’t focus on specifics, just general narrative progression.

Step 32 – Print this outline and have all of your friends and co-workers check it over and see what advice they have.

Step 33 – And now the easy part is over and you’re ready to start writing your book.

 

Five Tips for Writers Considering Self-Publishing – And More Tips

by Truitt Collyns 

cash money

Let me set the scene – perhaps it’s a familiar one. You’re sitting at your desk one morning, an open bottle of vodka to one side, a loaded pistol to the other. Your manuscript has just been rejected by your favorite publisher, such as, for example, Dragon Eagle Publishing. But even though a full day of raucous drinking and gunplay should cheer you up, it’s not going to introduce your masterwork to a larger audience.

So perhaps it’s time to consider self-publishing. But first,  reflect on why your story was rejected in the first place. For example, did you know that more than 75 percent of manuscripts Dragon Eagle receives are rejected solely because the author had an ugly-sounding name? Names like Jett, Shadow, Kirisitiana? That’s your aiming for – none of this John, Herman, Virginia or Gertrude nonsense. But it’s not always the name. For example, maybe you had some beta readers – friends, family, co-workers – appraise your work. Did any of them describe it as “bad,” or “not good,” or “not worth publishing?” Have any refused to talk to you since? Well, maybe that’s a sign you still need to make some minor tweaks.

But let’s say you got a great pseudonym, a clever title and a story people can at least feign interest in to maintain your personal relationships. Here’s some tips and information about the world of self-publishing we hope can guide you.

1. Do your research

This is probably the most important step your self-publishing journey because not all ebooks are created equal and not every solution is going to work for your project. Therefore, when you Google “How to Self-Publish My Ebook” don’t just look at the first page of results. This is going to require you to go to all the way to page 6 or 7. (Unless, of course, your settings are different and you don’t just get the standard ten results per page).

2. Your local neighborhood library is a great resource…

… of cheap labor because of its large homeless population. You can have these people write and post reviews to Amazon, Lulu and Goodreads, create ad copy, and even design covers if you hit the jackpot and stumble across a former art major and mother of three whose house recently burned down due to faulty wiring.

3. Promote your book

This one’s pretty self-explanatory. Once your book is ready to upload, you’re going to need to spread the word. So get to it.

4. Remember that books aren’t sandwiches.

This is an important one when considering your audience and their needs. Keep in mind, sandwiches are just something to provide humans with nourishment and energy. Books are also not washing machines, tiny umbrellas you put in cocktails, nice fleece blankets or 2008 Honda CR-V’s. A person who needs those things doesn’t necessarily need your book. (Books are, however, a well-maintained ceiling fan).

5. Consider marrying into a rich family, or waiting until you make your first million, to start publishing

6. Or, failing that, consider all possible corporate tie-ins

7. Make sure you’re using the subjunctive correctly

8. Enter every contest, even if your book doesn’t fit the topic. Trust me, the National Jewish Writing Society doesn’t want to read any more about the Holocaust.

9. Be the smartest, loudest and preferably tallest member of every writing organization you join.

10. You’re almost there.

So you’ve done everything we’ve said. You did your marketing research and promotion, you’ve created a cover, everything’s formatted, you know who your audience is and you feel success is on it way.

Well, you couldn’t be more right, because the next thing you’re going to do is hit the “Cancel Publishing” button, not upload your book to the platform and ask for a refund if you need to. Because you’ve passed the test and shown Dragon Eagle Publishing you’ve got what it takes to make it in this business.

Send everything to us and we’ll get the contract prepped and ready to sign. Welcome to the Dragon Eagle family, Mr. (or possibly Mrs.) Writer. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

 

Six Reasons Why You Should Choose Dragon Eagle Publishing to Represent You

by Ding Yunyi

So there you are. You’ve just finished editing the final draft of your manuscript, that has some tangential relationship to Chinese-American relations, and it’s not a fantasy, satire and courtroom drama, and you’re thinking to yourself: “What now?”

It’s never been a more confusing and, honestly, horrifying time to be an author with all the publishing options you’re given. Some lucky ones might find themselves working with one of the Big Six. The failures will self-publish and then fail some more. But what about going with an indie publisher?

Here’s our list on why you should go with us.

Note: Starting in 2017, Dragon Eagle Publishing has started to represent living authors who have not already passed away under suspicious circumstances.

1. You are in control.

Most publishers will provide interior designers and book cover artists, who might not see eye to eye with you. With us, you still have to find the time and energy to do all that stuff on your own.

2. You won’t ever have to meet us in person.

Like most writers, you probably suffer from crippling social anxiety. Well, we’re not going to demand anything more than lots of signatures. No meetings, no handshaking, no smiling in public.

3. We don’t strive for things like fresh perspectives and diversity in representation.

As a company of mostly white males and a few women of the more attractive races, we feel it’s most important we find the most talented authors we can, no matter their race, creed or gender. And we certainly don’t want to make middle-aged, middle-class white males and females feel more ostracized than they already are in this day and age.

4. We don’t bother with fads like social media and email.

 

Dragon Eagle is all about results and sales. You can expect tried and true marketing methods, such as magazine ads and hiring paid actors to mention your book to strangers in coffee shops and bookstores.

5. Self-Publishing is just admitting you’re a huge failure

You’re not a failure, are you? Didn’t think so. Well, that’s good. Because we aren’t either and we don’t want failures in our midst. If you’ve self-published before, there’s a good chance we’ll refuse to work with you, or perhaps just scorn you with subtle ridicule.

6. Once your book exceeds 10,000 copies sold, your royalties are immediately put into a high performing hedge fund.

Now that you’re a success, it’s time to start acting like one. We’ve got great investment and retirement options for our authors at DRPub.

47 Novels by Chinese-American Women You’ve Got to Read This Month

by Ding Yunyi
If you’re anything like me, you spend your whole day surrounded by books because you’re a research consultant for a publishing firm. But even if you’re not like me, you still probably get through a couple dozen books every month, which means you and I are not so different.
In this column, I’ll be writing about some great, recent novels worth checking out. Each entry will be categorized in some manner, sometimes by genre, sometimes by era, and in this case by the race, gender and attractiveness of the authors.

Best of the Best

Where Has the Time Gone?  by Daphni Jiang
A heartfelt drama about the childless marriage of two time-travelling vampires
The Women of the Chrysanthemum by June Wang
A young floral shop opener is haunted by spirits of the women who were turned into fertilizer and sold to her
How to Survive As A Woman in America by Zhou Ni Meng
One woman’s travelogue through American medical procedures and fitness culture
Behind Closed Eyes by Sasha Connie Chung
A woman discovers a terrible secret about her husband: he’s blind
Journey to the East by Chastity Ding Wo
A farcical comedy about two divorcees’ road trip from Tallahassee to Jacksonville
The Year of the Pig by Dawn Rae Chen
One woman’s quest to go an entire year only eating pork products
Touch of Silk by Chen Rui Dang
A coming-of-age story about a tensile strength evaluator in a Jiangxi textile factory
Riding the Red Dragon by Britney Speers
An erotic novel about a yoga teacher who has sex with dragons
Bootlegs and Knock Offs by Misty Stone
A love story about a big city girl with an affinity for stylish footwear and leaving work early
Fifty Years on the Great Wall by Michael Yu
A middle-aged literature professor called Humbert Humbert is obsessed with the 12-year-old Dolores Haze, with whom he becomes sexually involved after he becomes her stepfather

The Rest

Feminist Lit:

The Boy Next Door by Jackie Lin
The Good Women of China by Donna Evans
The Bad Women of China by Eve Adamson
The Sexy But Otherwise Mediocre Women of China by Fei Yi Mei
China Dolls (6) by Cao Xi Li
China Dolls (11) by Jessica Bangkok
Sense and Sensibility by Autumn Qiu
Harky Porter and the Philanthropist’s Stoat by Jing Kong Rao Ling
The Complete Works of Charlotte Bronte by Chao Xie
Short and Thick by Madeline Jiang
They Called Me Leprosy Face by Jane Qiong
All the Thick Girls by Li Li-Li
Mrs. Rick Shaw by Hai Lin
The Secret Life of a Short and Thick Girl by Lina Fei
Diaries of a High School Dropout (And North Korean Refugee) by Kim Kim
I Am China by Rui Zi Xuan
I Am Also China by Judy Xin
I Am Also China II: Escape to Delpulon by Judy Xin-Rui

Mystery, Suspense, Thriller:

Guangzhou Girl by Melissa Xu
Beijing Bitch by Melissa Xu
Shanghai Skank by Melissa Xu
The Filthy, Slutty Whore of Chongqing by Melissa Xu
Murder Beneath the Orient Express by Janet Chao
Journey to the Murder Beneath the Orient Express by Janet Chao
The House By the Geothermal Hot Spot by Bonnie Fo Fonnie
Green Tee by Ba Nana Fanna Fo Fonnie
I Have Diabetes by Wei Fu Bin Fee

Horror / Fantasy:

Children of Midnight by L’oreal
Zardoz by He Si Si

Z is for Zhizhisidi by Georgia Brown

The Wrong Side of Infinity by Lucy Li

Eat Shit and Die by Ching Chong

The Farmer’s Daughter by Stephanie Wu

 

The Party Leader’s Daughter by Stephanie Wu
The Speech Pathologist’s Daughter by Stephanie Wu
Dyscalculia by The Female Confucius
 

Five Great Books To Curl Up With On Bright, Blindingly Sunny Days

by Truitt Collyns

Spring is on its way. That means it’s the perfect time to get away from it all: the piercing sunlight, the coma-inducing allergens, the suspiciously friendly neighbors jogging their animal. Below we’ve got a great list of books, new and old, to get you through the next several weekends.

So what makes a great springtime read? It’s hard to say. Some help us forget nature exists at all; others provide a rich portrait of its awfulness. So lay back, hunker down beneath your heating blanket, turn on the fan, take a few Vitamin D supplements and enjoy.

John Steinbeck  The Grapes of Wrath

JohnSteinbeck_TheGrapesOfWrath

A classic. At 575 pages, this book should take the average reader a good chunk of the afternoon and evening to finish. Steinbeck’s intimate portrait of a family devastated by the Dust Bowl won’t fill your head with any foolish ideas about the majesty of nature.

William Gibson  Neuromancer

scifi book cover example 1.jpg

Another classic. Not only is it both the foundational text and zenith of the genre that came to be known as cyberpunk, it’s great to imagine a future where the synthetic overtakes the organic. Although there’s a few parts where it rains, you’ll mostly be envisioning computer chips, server rooms and other sterile environments.

Margaret Atwood  The Year of the Flood

The_Year_of_the_Flood-cover-1stEd-HC.jpeg

The sequel to Oryx and Crake. In all honesty, probably the weakest entry on this list, but still superior to many activities, such as checking to see if you left anything in your car and answering the door when you don’t know who it is. Recommended if you like: dystopian fiction, speculative fiction, second installments even if you missed the first, books from seven years ago, or even books written by a woman.

Mohsin Hamid  Exit West: A Novel

exit west

Mohsin Hamid’s latest book is beautifully written, both timely and timeless. This amazing story of young lovers forced to flee their homes in search of a new one is worth risking it and treking to your local bookstore to purchase.

Anna Claybourne  100 Most Destructive Natural Disasters Ever

natural disaster book

While Ms. Claybourne may not be the next Wordsworth, the plethora of essential information she’s able to fit into this digestible package is a commendable task. From the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami to the 1900 Galveston hurricane, this one covers all your favorites, while finding room for a few deep cuts as well.

Editor to the Letter

By Devin Harper

As the chief editor of Dragon Eagle, I’ve got a pretty easy job. Editing is, at its essence, a spirited dialogue between the author and editor. But since most of our authors are dead, I’m left with no choice but to publish their work the way they intended: word-for-word with zero revision or proofreading.

So instead, I’ve decided to devote my time to this monthly column, where I analyze pieces submitted to Dragon Eagle and offer advice on how to improve them. This first example comes from an entry into our short story contest last July. Let’s take a look at the opening paragraph:

John closed his eyes, knowing full well he would walk out of this room, and through the door that led to the outside of said room, the one he was currently in, a changed man. He opened his mouth and sucked in several deep gulps of the nitrogen-oxygen mixture – no breathing through the nose for him. Once his blood was adequately oxygenated, he took a step forward, first by lifting his right foot off the ground, and second by placing it back on the ground several inches ahead of its prior position. This process was repeated with the utmost of mechanical precision. In the gaps between his blinks, John was left to absorb and process the visual data. The carpet was a motley of red, green, brown, yellow, pink and orange and several other colors, but the walls, in sharp contrast, were of a single tan color, and, as he expected, John could not see his reflection in them. His body lurched forward of its own momentum and came to a halt. John, using his lower appendages as a fulcrum, stood there.

Pretty good. There’s a few things, though, I might change to tighten things up. For example, the sentence “He opened his mouth and sucked in several deep gulps of the nitrogen-oxygen mixture” is a little wordy. I might write it like this: “His mouth opened and drew in several deep gulps of the nitrogen-oxygen mixture.”

And I think the author has a slight tendency to use big words where a small one would suffice.  We could turn “Once his blood was adequately oxygenated” into “Once his body was adequately oxygenated.” With those changes, our edited paragraph might look something like this:

John closed his eyes, knowing full well he would walk out of this room, and through the door that led to the outside of the room, the one he was currently in, a different man. His mouth opened and drew in several deep gulps of the nitrogen-oxygen mixture – no breathing through the nose for him. Once his body was adequately oxygenated, he took a step forward, first by lifting his right foot off the ground, and second by placing it back on the ground several inches ahead of its earlier position. This process was repeated with the utmost of mechanical precision. In the gaps in his blinks, John was left to absorb and process the visual data. The carpet was a motley of red, green, brown, yellow, pink and orange and several more colors, but the walls, in sharp contrast, were of a single tan color, and, as he expected, John could not see his reflection in them. His body lurched forward of its own momentum and came to a halt. John, using his lower appendages as a fulcrum, stood there.

Let’s look at another example. This one comes from a blood-stained napkin an anonymous author slid under our office door one evening:

Strength. Beauty. Brutality. Honor. Decorum. Love. The men were out there, bodies heaving, mouths panting, ears listening, finally putting into practice what they’d only seen etched so passionately on chalkboards. For some, the battle inward was more harrowing than the one they were chasing outwardly. It was not just the darkness of defeat, for that they’d been prepared for since birth. No, it was the obliteration of the self that truly haunted them. Perhaps it was the intimacy, to be in such close proximity to the enemy, to look into the eyes of a man who could be your brother and taste his sweat. And in this moment they knew you’d have the cut off the head of sympathy the moment it reared its head.

Again, not bad writing per se, but a little wordy. You get the sense the author’s relying a bit too much on unnecessary jargon. With some minor edits, we’re left with this:

The Detroit Pistons defeat the Chicago Bulls, 107-91.