From the moment we’re born, we simply want one thing: to be recognized and acknowledged. As we go through life, our end game passes from breastmilk to star stickers to disappointing, booze-fueled sexual encounters, but the underlying need to have our existence recognized never changes. For writers, who are often neglected and emotionally stunted, this need is even stronger. Our stories are there to do what our flabby bodies and off-putting personalities never could. All of this is to say, a good publicity campaign can help prove your life wasn’t a complete waste of time and therefore is a fairly important skill to have as an author.  

However, book publicity isn’t like a son or daughter’s graduation party; you can’t just scream and cry until people pay attention to you. It requires planning, connections and a strong awareness of your strengths as a writer. We’ll lie about our background and make empty promises on this edition of Stories’ Matter.  

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Finishing a novel is one of the most bittersweet moments in life for an author. On the one hand, you’ve finally completed something that’s taken you months, maybe years. There’s this concrete product into which you’ve poured your blood, sweat and tears. On the other hand, you worry that nobody will ever actually read it and it may not have been worth neglecting things like your job and family, who, come to think of it, you haven’t seen for weeks. 

But with a proper book publicity plan and media pitch, you can relax a bit. Even the most obscure, unappealing book that’s self-published can sell in today’s market with the right publicity. To prove this point, I’ll take you through how I marketed my neo-noir thriller Sam I Am, a story about a man with Down’s syndrome who helps the police catch a famous serial killer.  

Step One: Make it About Yourself

As you might’ve noticed from this channel, I hardly ever spend any time talking about my actual books, but focus on my personal life, everything from the fire that destroyed my publishing company to why my second wife was the most exciting woman I’ve ever been with sexually. My most faithful viewers have probably learned more about the ins and outs of restraining orders than they have about plot structure. However, I do this for a reason and not just because making these videos is cheaper than therapy.  

We’re much more drawn to people than we are to books. For example, most people relish the fantasy of having a drink with Hemmingway or watching the Fitzgerald’s belittle each other than actually reading any of their books.  

So let your fans know about you and your expertise. And this is a point I’ll keep coming back to: It’s okay to lie. When I wrote Sam I Am, my book publicity materials said I was inspired by my son Jefferson, who had Down’s syndrome. Personal connections like these will endear your audience to you. Truth told, I’m not quite sure what was wrong with Jefferson. 

Step Two – Give Expert Interviews

With all this in mind, it’s important you get yourself out there. And one great way is to give expert interviews to the media. You could do book blogs. Write personal essays for online magazines.  Local TV news is desperate to fill the air with something that isn’t tips on how to pack a suitcase.  

Now, you might be thinking, John, I’m not an expert in anything. Who will want to listen to me? Fortunately, you’re in luck. We are currently living in a golden age for dangerously unqualified people pretending to know what they’re doing.  

For Sam I Am, my big boost came from an interview I gave with a local radio station where I claimed people with Down’s syndrome have been unfairly maligned and marginalized and with the right care and guidance they can and have assumed many professional roles in our society. Of course, I didn’t know any of that at the time and was just making it up, but it turns out I was actually right.  

Step Three: Offer Special Giveaways and Promotions

Fans of the channel know I don’t believe in giving away anything for free. Hell, because of all the free copies of Sam I Am WKXP made me bring to their studio for my interview, I made sure to raid their green room. I even took the boxes of disposable forks and knives from the cupboards.  

But there are workarounds. You can have a flash sale that lasts only thirty seconds and if people complain, just say you had your clock set to Burmese time. To entice readers, post free versions of your book online but with every other word redacted.  

Here are some other useful tips: 

Put subliminal messages in your Tik Tok or YouTube videos 

Get plastic surgery to make yourself more camera friendly 

Hint that your book will help your reader get laid  

Fake a British accent to make yourself sound more intelligent 

Mail your book to media producers. And use unmarked packages to make it more of a surprise.