Why Fiction Writers Are Wrong About AI

New technologies are by nature disruptive, and their arrival is always met with skepticism. The invention of the chainsaw for example had people worried lumberjacks would soon be out of work. However, people of the 19th century soon realized we could just cut down forests ten times faster because who needs forests anyway: after all, they’re dark and scary and just provide child killers with an easy place to dispose of the bodies of their victims.

AI, or artificial intelligence as it’s known to experts, is certainly a disruptive technology, especially for writers. In researching this video, I decided to ask an AI to write a novel about a detective who plays by his own rules to take down an army of Antifa terrorists. This AI was able to accomplish in mere seconds what it took me almost 2 whole weeks to do: write a 250-page novel that mostly made sense. Not just that, the AI didn’t need to be powered by food or water or money or loads of amphetamines.

What’s a writer to do?

First of all, don’t panic.

Look, AI is just a tool, like a hammer or pliers or duct tape or a zip tie or hydrofluoric acid or an enigma machine you can use to send cryptic messages to the police. It’s not something you should worry too much about because AI isn’t replacing humans anytime soon. What you should worry about, however, is getting left behind by human authors who are using AI to their benefit,  to augment their writing to put things out faster, and to create PR campaigns smearing you on social media.

Lots of writers have a visceral reaction when they hear about AI writing fiction. After all, we say to ourselves, an AI doesn’t have feelings, it doesn’t understand the human condition, it’s not a unique individual who’s worked long and hard to cultivate their own voice. But just ask yourself: are you really that unique and individual and special? Aren’t we really just inefficient machines powered inefficiently by fast food and energy drinks? Most of you probably work boring office jobs and drive a Honda CR-V and got into writing because a former teacher said you had talent simply because it was the least stressful way to get through the day at her underpaid job that led to her depression and alcoholism. What I’m saying is, the students in my writing workshops at the learning annex were just as interchangeable as the Chromebooks.

But instead of embracing the fear, try to approach the age of AI with excitement. Think of yourself as an intrepid pioneer trekking across an unexplored frontier. I mean, when I thought about AI-generated porn, I was initially insulted, but as I got to thinking about it, I realized there were a whole host of laws I wouldn’t have to worry about anymore.

Similarly, when using AI in your writing, there are lots of problems you could potentially avoid. For example, instead of joining support groups under false pretenses to get story ideas, you can simply ask an AI to scour the internet for stories of addiction and recovery and synthesize them into a digestible format.

Let’s look at a few ways we can utilize AI without giving ourselves completely up to the machine

Step 1: Use AI to brainstorm new story ideas

Staring at a blank page or screen for hours is one of the most excruciating experiences in life, at least one that doesn’t involve a divorce attorney or loan shark. But it’s something most writers have to deal with when starting a new project and it’s also a cause for ending almost forty percent of all writer’s marriages.

You probably have a general idea of what you want. After all, something must have inspired you to write a book. Maybe you were inspired by your own trauma, but you just can’t find a way to make it a digestible, well-paced narrative. To save time and anguish, consider asking Chat GPT to give you ten story ideas about a kid coming to terms with his gayness. Here’s what I got when I did that:

Step 2: Use AI to come up with minor details like character names

On the other side of things, you can use AI to go small and do some of the dirty work writers hate. Names are one thing I hate in particular, not so much because it’s difficult, but rather I have a nasty habit of naming my villains after people in my own life or people who are rude to me on social media that I hired a private investigator to follow.

Character names should also be embedded with meaning and history. Unfortunately, the average English names of the people in our lives, like John and Henry and Mohammed, don’t mean anything. So instead of going through the exhausting process of Googling what different names mean, just ask AI . Here’s what I got when I asked Chat GPT to come up with a female character in a fantasy story whose name indicated she was sex positive and had large breasts.

Step 3: Use it to research subjects you know little about

Back when I started writing in the late 90s, readers were much less discerning and you could get away with not doing any research ever. With internet speeds the way they were, only people with a large set of encyclopedias could disprove you.

But despite our best efforts, fact checking is still a large part of our society today. AI, however, can give you lots of quick and easy facts about cuisine, sports or medicine.

How to Write an Unreliable Narrator

Nobody likes a liar in real life. Or at least we don’t like people who lie in order to win sexual harassment civil suits against our publishing companies. But in fiction, it can be thrilling to get inside the head of someone who may not be totally honest.

And if you think about it, there’s no reason a person telling a story must be totally honest. We tell false stories all the time: about the fish we nearly caught, about the reason we were speeding, about why we said we were at yoga class even though nobody saw us there and the teacher said we haven’t attended in weeks.

And we even lie to ourselves. Beyond the obvious lies we might tell, for example, that we still have enough hair and muscle tone to bag a Miami nine, human memory is malleable and susceptible to manipulation. I once gave a report to police about a drowning body that was riddled with errors and inconsistencies simply because I’d been so distraught. For example, I claimed to have been swimming out to save the man when I had actually been standing on the beach, and I also remembered it being a stranger who drowned even though in reality, it was a neighbor with whom I recently had a big feud.

So not only are unreliable narrators true to life, they can provide your story with an uneasy tension.

We’re trained to trust the people who tell stories to us. Maybe because story writers remind us of the authority figures, like teachers, doctors, or like the men in lab coats who, during a college psychology experiment, convinced me my roommate was a communist spy and got me to shoot him in the head. (Don’t worry, viewers, the gun turned out to only be filled with air.)

There are four main types of unreliable narrators. We’ll look at each in turn.

Picaros are characters who are adept at exaggeration, people like Moll Flanders or Don Quixote. In my novel, The Ballad of Ralph Quaid, the titular character claims to have slept with a world-famous celebrity but over the course of the story, the side characters, piece by piece, work out that it’s likely the man actually had sex with a prize show dog.

Madmen are characters who are unreliable simply because they’ve lost their goddamn minds. American Psycho’s Patrick Bateman might be the most famous example here. John Stevens, the narrator of Murder on Spirit Airlines, is unreliable because nobody would realistically put a bomb on a Spirit Air flight when there would be nobody aboard worth killing.

Naifs are narrators who are unreliable because of their youth, inexperience and naivete. Huckleberry Finn fits well in this category. My coming-of-age story The House on Pain Avenue fits here because Daniel Clementine sees his social awkwardness and estrangement from his father as a result of his being gay, when the reader can clearly understand it’s actually because Daniel won’t ever stop talking about how 9/11 was an inside job.

Finally, we have our basic liars. These people are trying to paint a better picture of themselves and work toward specific goals. These are common people we encounter in our everyday lives. They are our coworkers, our lawyers, our clergyman, our business partners who secretly drug us to increase our productivity and get us to sign agreements handing over the rights to a sizeable portion of our books. Agatha Christie novels are filled with this type of person. As are my Colt Action novels, where the protagonist always seems to have an excuse to kill Comanches, even women and children who are minding their own business gardening and basket weaving.

Whichever type of unreliable narrator you decide to utilize, here are some helpful tips.

Step One: Give your narrator a reason to be unreliable

There are a lot of things that can make your narrator unreliable. Humbert Humbert, for example, is unreliable because he wants to be remembered as an obsessive lover rather than a French person.

A childhood profuse with nights spent scrounging for scraps in the fridge to make dinners of relish and tortilla shells taught me that drugs are another thing make someone unreliable. Consider making your protagonist a junkie.

Or you could tie it to a deep need that the narrator hasn’t fulfilled. For example, maybe they’re making up a bunch of lies about their life so their YouTube channel isn’t boring and pointless like all the other writing advice ones.

Step Two: Keep your reader in the dark

But you don’t want to give away the game too early. It’s better to lull your reader into a false sense of security before the inevitable rug pull. Much like an accountant who doesn’t know he’s committing tax fraud for your publishing company, it will be better for everyone if the reader sides with the narrator from the outset.

Think about Holden Caulfield in The Catcher in the Rye. Even though there are subtle clues at the beginning, we’re on his side because it’s so obvious that everyone else in our lives are phonies and things would be so much better if someone would shoot the guy who wrote this song.

Step Three: Escalate the lies as the narrative progresses

Lies breed more lies. Unless you’ve got an entire propaganda network to complete rewrite reality for you, eventually your narrator will be outed.

Your lies should start small, almost unnoticeable, but they need to get bigger as the story goes on. Let’s say, for example, you write a story about a man who kills his neighbor by bashing his head with oar and dumping him in a lake. Well, you can’t start with the narrator getting caught or confessing to the murder.

You start with him saying he only went to the beach later in the day to do research for his newest novel. You might only draw the connection between the deceased and the narrator two-thirds of the way into the police invest… I mean, novel.

Step Four: Use multiple unreliable narrators

Of course, you could go the route of Kurosawa and tell the story from multiple conflicting perspectives, like he did in the Seven Samurai, where we see the same murder unfold from the seven titular vantage points.

The only thing you’ve got to decide here is, is there one objective truth, or will your story be more about how an objective truth is essentially unknowable, as an impartial jury of the state of Arizona seems to believe?

24 Reasons You Suck At Writing

Recently, I’ve gotten a lot of hatemail from fans of the channel. Most are curious as to why, after watching all 63 videos on this channel and doing everything I’ve said, they still haven’t been published. And some are wondering if there’s a way to get out of the restraining orders they’ve been hit with.

As I’ve said many times, literature is not a science like particle physics or phrenology. I can’t guarantee your success any more than this guy can control gas prices or this guy can protect you from bird aids. Some people just have unlucky brain pans.

But, John, you might be saying, I realize nobody is guaranteed to write a best seller, but do you have to openly insult me to my face on these videos and call me a piece of shit and respond to my criticism by sending me photos of yourself naked atop all of the books you’ve successfully published?

Everything I do on this channel is to help you improve. Why? Because I love good writing and I hate bad writing. I want libraries, the ones that aren’t smoldering piles of rubble by the end of 2025, filled with the work of people who understand compelling drama and narrative conventions. Ten years from now, I want everyone watching this channel to be lying naked atop a pile of their own successfully published books.

A lot of this advice will be difficult to hear. It will lead to awkward realizations, second guessing and asking indie book contests if they offer refunds on entry fees.

Reason 1 – You Spelled One Word Wrong. Every time I see a manuscript with a misspelled word, I instantly incinerate it right in my office. Or at least I used to until a fire caused by an unrelated reason burned down the last office I worked in.

Reason 2 – You have more than one character with the same name in your story. And it’s Brayden. This is confusing as a reader, not to mention disgusting.

Reason 3 – You write rambling sentences that just go on and on and on and on and don’t really have a purpose besides showing how great you are at being a show-off, but without ever having a reason to justify the length beyond simply showing everyone that you’re a douchebag with an MFA who went to…

Reason 4 – You wrote with a lack of description. Every great story should describe at least one room, plant or female body part.

Reason 5 – You named the character after yourself. And your name is Brayden.

Reason 6 – You mentioned a gun in the first act but you never used it blow anybody’s head off later in the story.

Reason 7 – You had the character directly say what they are feeling. It makes me so mad when I hear that.

Reason 8 – You used verb tenses in a confusing way. I will have had many writers send me manuscripts having been written this way.

Reason 9 – You spent too much time describing the character’s clothes.

Reason 10 – You didn’t describe the character’s clothes at all so I assumed they were naked and got confused why I was so horny.

Reason 11 – You used too many dialogue tags. Like exclaimed, proclaimed, declaimed. And if you tell me a character ejaculated, there better be a hard cock at the end of that sentence.

Reason 12 – You used words a lot of big words to make yourself seem smart. I graduated cum laude from Arizona University. Don’t think you’re smarter than me.

Reason 13 – You made the story sad and pointless and it was really obvious you were just writing about your own life.

Reason 14 – You used a bunch of curse words to try and seem edgy and cool. Only a fucking cocksucking asshole would do that.

Reason 15 – You used adverbs. Only a fucking cocksucking asshole would do that.

Reason 16 – You put in so much detail when describing the guns in your book that it made me feel like I’m going to be put on some kind of list for reading it.

Reason 17 – You expected sympathy from me at the very beginning of the story. If I don’t know your character, why should I give a shit that their whole family just died? It’s the same reason new hires at my company have to wait six months before they get bereavement leave.

Reason 18 – You wrote your gays as stereotypes. Seriously, depicting two men having anal sex with each other is such a stereotypical way to show they’re gay. Think of something else.

Reason 19 – You wrote a story about a “chosen one.” They’re cliched, they’re overdone and in real life, every chosen one I’ve ever known just stole my money and tried to get the deed for my third wife’s house.

Reason 20 – You switched POVs randomly throughout your story without rhyme or reason. Imagine how jarring it would be if the POV porn website you subscribe to suddenly switched to third person POV content. Enough said

Reason 21 – You were clearly mimicking the style of a more famous author. Unless you were trying to mimic me. In which case, I’m flattered.

Reason 22 – You made every character speak with the same manner, style and rhythm. Your black people should sound as black as possible.

Reason 23 – Your writing was so confident. It was clear you hadn’t watched videos like this to make you constantly second-guess yourself.

Reason 24 – You clearly used AI because your writing wasn’t filled with unnecessary words like “really” “just” or “actually.” And all the words were spelled correctly.

That’s all for today. Please don’t forget to like and subscribe and I’ll leave you with this week’s This Day in Literary History. See you on the next one.