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The Art of Travel Writing

Daniel MadisonLeave a comment

Imagine that you’re sitting at a sidewalk cafe in a foreign city. You put your book down. You take a moment to savor the unfamiliar flavors, to smell the unfamiliar aromas, to listen to heated conversations in an unknown language, to watch plainclothes police drag a screaming woman into a panel van. And you think to yourself, somebody ought to write a book about this place. If nothing else, I hope this article shows you that travel writing isn’t just for wives of hedge-fund managers desperate to prove their life isn’t worthless.

So what is travel writing? Travel writing is a loosely-defined genre that includes travelogues, guidebooks, memoirs, travel journalism, snapchats from Phuket, Yelp reviews of Vegas brothels, and letters to the consulate to get you out of Moroccan prison. For the sake of brevity, we won’t focus on those last few.

The first question you might be asking is, Do I actually have to travel to these places to write about them? Of course not. Travel can be expensive, dangerous, and mind-numbingly boring. Hell, I’ve written travel books about Damascus, Port-Au-Prince and Jackson, Mississippi and God knows I’d never be caught dead in any of those places. But if you don’t travel to the place you’re going to write about, you’ll need to put in extra work on Wikipedia, Google street view and watching movies filmed in that location to make sure you get things right.

For the rest of this article, however, we’ll assume you tricked your boss with a fake family death to get enough time off to actually travel to these places.

Step One: Write From a Unique Point of View

Remember, you are writing as a traveler and an outsider to the community you’re visiting. Now, it’s possible far-flung regions like India and China have had talented native writers who’ve written about their homeland, but that’s not what you’re going for. Take your reader into account and think about what value they hope to get from your writing. Do you hope to help them navigate this strange land when they visit? Do you want to share some off-the-beaten path sights away from the large tourist traps? Do you want to tell them where they can purchase a child bride, so they make sure to stay away from that spot?

However, it’s also important to be aware of your biases. It’s best to write in the first-person. Travel writing should have the intimacy of a diary and this way the reader is aware of your subjectivity. So, for example, your readers will understand that your local hosts might not be so open-minded to slaughtering street dogs for meat as you are. 

Step Two: Be Honest

Whether it’s a local dish you found to be disappointing or an old high school you’re certain is being used as a death camp, it’s important to be honest about your experiences as a traveler. Your reader will want those moments of authenticity. Not all trips are sunny beaches, picturesque vistas and nubile masseuses who allow roaming free of charge. Make sure to share those dead ends, scams and overrated traps as well.

In my most successful travelogue about my time in Bahrain, I wrote about a misunderstanding at the local pharmacy. While I asked for Advil, I was instead taken into a backroom and asked to deliver endangered osprey eggs to a government official in Hong Kong. While my publication of the incident means I’ll be executed if I ever return to Bahrain, it did make for a great story. This brings me to my next point.

Step Three: Interact with locals

Your reader, like you, want to absorb as much local flavor as possible and that’s not possible without at least trying to engage with the locals. Even if you don’t speak the language, pay attention to their body language. When I was in France, I couldn’t count how many people would stick their middle finger up to me as I passed them on the street. A local guide said it was their way of complementing my attire.

If you can get a translator or know someone who speaks English, soak up as many stories as you can. In Pakistan I met Hashim, a young man with a great passion for computer engineering. Many things about Hashim struck me as unique: his eagerness to share his life’s details, the way he’d hold my hand in public, or run his finger through my hair, his comfort sleeping next to me, completely in the nude, no modesty about hiding his erection. And though he was forcibly removed from my hotel and I never saw him again, I like to think he lives on in my writing.

Step Four: Stay up-to-date

If there’s one constant in world history, it’s that there are no constants. Borders, kings, queens, and laws regarding drug trafficking change constantly. Czechoslovakia became the Czech Republic which became Czechia which is now just Kia.

You never know when a war might breakout during one of your trips. This is just an unfortunate reality you’ll have to accept. When I was in Yemen in 2014, nobody could’ve predicted this prosperous, stable nation with prompt, efficient room service was moments away from civil war.

But you don’t want to publish something outdated or look out-of-touch. Don’t do what I did and release a whole book about the wonderful bathhouses of Afghanistan in October 2001. So you have two choices: get a publisher who keeps a close eye on the news, or write about places that never change.

Avoid Common Pitfalls in Self-Publishing

Daniel MadisonLeave a comment

Self-publishing: for some, this is a term as depressing as “dinner for one” or  “Milf Manor marathon.” But just because you’ve decided to self-publish, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure or that you wrote the equivalent of a miscarriage.

While I didn’t start out as a self-published author, I have self-published over 150 novels in my long career for a variety of different reasons, from frustration with traditional publishing to wanting more creative freedom to incorrectly assuming any income I made doing so wouldn’t have to go to my first or second wives.

I’ll take you through my journey as a self-published author and discuss some of the pitfalls I encountered so you can avoid them.

Fans of mine will know that, unlike most of the people reading this, I didn’t start out as a self-published author. But while self-publishing wasn’t really an option when I started, that didn’t mean traditional publishing came without its share of headaches.

For starters, my first actual publisher had some weird thoughts about human biology, one of which was they didn’t believe it existed. And my second publisher, the first one that actually had an office and who I assume didn’t think cells were an illusion meant to test humanity’s faith, made me sign a contract that basically got me nothing back in royalties.

It wasn’t until I met Tabitha Cartwright, my mentor and writing partner for over five years, that I started seeing any success as an author. Under her tutelage, I entered the most productive stage of my writing career, though it wasn’t until later that I realized that was because the diet pills she was giving me were actually speed.

Anyway, the next few years after that are kind of a blur, where I produced some of my worst books that I don’t even remember writing. And after settling a lawsuit that gave Tabitha the rights to all the books I’d written in our partnership (while also getting me off the hook for some things I’d rather not mention), I thought it was time to step away from traditional publishing and try the self-publishing route.

This was in 2011: the year Bin Laden was killed and America was warming up to the idea of authors releasing their own books online. The following are some things I learned during the process.

Number 1 – Get A Good Editor.

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this article, besides the fact that our bodies are, in fact, composed of cells, it’s that you cannot be your own editor. Because the editor I usually worked with wasn’t taking my calls, I thought I could do it on my own. While you do need to edit your work, you need to get at least one other set of eyes on it, if not more. So once I self-published my first novel, the earliest reviews called me out for misspelling the word “baggage” on the first page of the book.

Number 2 – A Book Without A Marketing Plan Is Just The Diary Entry of a Very Sick Individual

Self-publishing is not an outlet for self-expression. If it’s self-expression you’re after, you can, I don’t know, start a blog of your poetry, or post erotic selfies on Tumblr, or storm the Capitol. You have to self-publish with the mindset of a businessperson. And what are all the greatest businesspeople like? Cold, obsessive, ruthless, and so focused on profit that it borders on a psychosis.

Set goals for yourself. Figure out what kind of ads you want. Make schedules and stick to them. You know, do the kinds of things only successful people do and that unsuccessful people never would have possibly thought of.  

Number 3 – Your PR Campaign is a Story in Itself. Start it Before You Finish Your Novel.

You can’t wait until you push that “Publish” button to start finding your audience. Even before you’re done writing, you should give your existing audience some idea of what’s coming. Let them know what it’s about. Let them know the release date. If you’re a YouTuber like me, flash subliminal messages urging them to buy it in your videos. So long as your audience isn’t populated by a high percentage of epileptics, you’ll be fine.

I ignored email lists and newsletters, assuming I’d get by on name recognition alone. But my earliest books were out of print by 2011 and Tabitha Cartwright changed the name on all the books she owned to my legal name (which fans of the channel will know is the same as one of the worst serial killers in American history.) This actually boosted sales, but didn’t do anything for John Lazarus. In any case, I should’ve made a better effort to reach out to long-time fans.

Of course, if you’re a brand-new writer and you don’t have an existing audience, everything I just said was a complete waste of time.

Number 4 – Send Out Advanced Copies to Get Reviews Before Publishing

This is another step you need to take before publishing. And it doesn’t matter if your name is Dan Nobody or Tyra Banks, you need reviews. Lots of them. If you have the money and the connections, get reviews with places like Kirkus and literary magazines. You can go cheaper and use book bloggers. You can go way cheaper and hire the homeless to write reviews and post them on your website.

When I self-published Nap Time, I was so low on money none of these options were available. And when I usually run into a problem like this, I would just lie, write the reviews myself and post them on my website, but I thought I could get by without it. I was wrong.

Number 5 – Act Like a Best Seller

But speaking of blatant fraud, a wise man once said, “Success only comes to those who believe in it.” Projecting confidence, self-promotion and the grind of the hustle that has rendered modern life an existential nightmare are essential to be a successful writer.

Do you know what Neil Gaiman and JK Rowling have in common, besides being shitty human beings? They are always working. When you’re at social functions, when you’re at work, in the online sphere, act like you belong in their club. One day you just might.

Here are five more bits of knowledge I find are essential to all authors considering self-publishing their first book.

Number 6 – Climate Change Won’t Kill Off Enough of the Population Fast Enough to Desaturate the Marketplace

Number 7 – Publishing in Comic Sans Isn’t A Great Idea for a Holocaust Drama

Number 8 – Assume Everyone Is Trying to Scam You. Be Cold And Distant To Everyone in Your Life

Number 9 – Using Child Labor for Your Book Launch Team Might Not Technically Be Illegal, But It’s Still Frowned Upon

Number 10 – Don’t Hold Out Hope On This Book’s Success Filling That Crippling Void In Your Life

Cringeworthy Mistakes New Authors Always Make

Daniel MadisonLeave a comment

Much like raising a child, becoming a professional author is nearly impossible to do without making mistakes along the way. But much like building that child a treehouse even with no carpentry experience, there are, for writers, ways you can limit the damage your mistakes might cause.


Even the greatest writers make mistakes. George RR Martin, for example, keeps making the mistake of forgetting to send his editors finished versions of his stories. John Updike forgot to take three minutes to consult a textbook and learn how women piss.

I’m going to talk about beginner mistakes by sharing the story of Evan Hayward, a promising young talent who had all the potential in the world, but who unfortunately flamed out of the industry because of some fatal errors he made and his unwillingness to correct them.


And even I’m not susceptible. I vastly overestimated the number of people who can read Old English, for example, and I wrote over thirty books before I gave a woman a speaking role.

Evan Hayward was probably like a lot of people reading this. He was a Master of Fine Arts, he loved literature, and he was a hungry young writer with lots of talent but not the necessary connections you need to make it big. But unlike most of the people reading this, Evan was tall, good-looking, had great skin and people generally liked being in his presence.


I signed Evan in 2015. His debut novel, a self-published indie comedy called A Tale Told By An Idiot, had won a few indie awards. I reached out and commissioned Evan to write his follow-up for D&E Publishing. At the time, the only other authors working for us, besides myself, were Blake Colby, who was struggling with addiction and would soon drown in his bathtub, and Samantha Chao, who only wrote political non-fiction about the imminent takeover of Sharia law. So I was very desperate for fresh talent.


Like many of you, Evan pitched many ideas that, with the correct guidance, editing and marketing, I knew would make a big splash. But unfortunately, over the next six months, he made some errors from which he’d never recover.


Mistake #1 – Trying to Write For Everyone

Writing for everyone is the same as writing for no one. That’s a little phrase I coined, and I find it rings true. When starting a new project, a writer has to clearly define their target audience. This is a mistake I often made at my start. When I wrote And Justice for Some, my target audience was just men, as my story contained lots of violence and the protagonist has sex with six or seven large breasted women with various racial backgrounds. But I was wrong. It turns out there are lots of men who are racist or who like small breasted women and the story did nothing for them.


From the start, I could tell Evan would have the same problem. Everyone in the office loved his work. People praised him constantly. The women in the office, in particular, spent a lot of time hovering around his desk when they should’ve been working.


Once Evan came on and spent more time around our offices, lots of gossip started. Now, to promote diversity and help save money, a large amount of our staff didn’t speak English. Fortunately, I was able to get my landscaper to get his daughter to help me translate their conversations I recorded in our break room by agreeing to help edit a college entrance essay. Here are just some of the things I learned:
Office integrity aside, the bigger problem was that I knew all this love and attention would go to Evan’s head and make him write too broadly.


Mistake #2 – Relying on the Perfect Conditions to Write

Writing is one of the most laborious processes imaginable. Many young writers have great ideas, but they feel if they don’t have their exact color Moleskin notebook in their favorite coffee shop eating their favorite pastry, they can’t get any words down.


A writer has to learn to write anywhere at any time. If you start putting writing off because you can’t find your perfect place, you’ll never get anything done. I make character sketches on the toilet. I write notes while I’m driving. I’ve done key edits while my third wife was in labor.


About a month after Evan joined D&E Publishing, his house burned down. For some reason, his work and productivity started to suffer. He tried to get more of his writing done in our publishing offices, but due to some renovations, I had to move his desk to the utility shed. Evan complained that the formaldehyde made it hard to focus, but I told him a writer needs to find a way to make it work.


Mistake #3 – Neglecting Research

Readers are more discerning than ever these days. Back in my day, you might be able to get away with saying Nixon was president during the Bay of Pigs or have a character with no arms administer CPR. But nowadays, readers are champing at the bit for their favorite writer to slip up so they can go on Twitter and call for him to be castrated.


Evan’s second novel was going to be a crime thriller and it had a solid hook, but the sloppiness was holding it back. The editors I hired, for example, were quick to point out that he didn’t specify the caliber of bullets used by the criminal in both metric and imperial units. Another character simply died of lung cancer, when it was clear they had actually died of pneumonia due to complications caused by lung cancer. No discerning reader would let things that slide.


Mistake #4 – Trying to Shock Without Value

Maybe it was some combination of the pressure over publishing under a deadline, the noxious fumes in the janitor’s closet or the grief over his cat dying in a fire, but Evan had trouble holding it together. Instead of working at his desk, I’d often find him whispering to people in the office, who I found a bit too supportive considering his poor work ethic.


When I did get the final manuscript, I was disappointed by the final twist in his story, where it turns out the killer had been the police detective who had suffered from split personality disorder. I told Evan this made no sense and was incredibly cheap and nobody would ever buy it.


Evan told me that the ending was actually from one of my novels and the fact that I automatically rejected it said I was just jealous of his talent and looks.


Lots of writers feel like way about their mentors, but most have the sense not to say it. I like to think, if Evan had been more mature and willing to learn from his mistakes, he’d have done great things with us. But D&E Publishing cancelled our contract with Evan and my only other regret is that security wouldn’t escort him out of the building because they said they liked him more than me.

The Anatomy of Your First Chapter

Daniel Madison1 Comment

person-using-typewriter-1448709
Photo by Min An from Pexels

Nothing will draw your reader’s attention like a completely perfect first chapter. But complete and utter perfection is easier said than done. In fact, as the head editor of DEPub, I can say with authority that an author’s inability to construct a flawless first chapter is the biggest obstacle to getting published.

So, before we break things down, we need to ask ourselves, “What should the perfect opening do?” Well, it has to introduce the main character and the world in which your story takes place. It has to have a strong, unique hook, an original voice, a well-defined tone perfect for your intended readership, several references to classical literature that are obscure but not too obscure,  something mysterious but also completely clear and understandable, a non-cisgender character, an abortion, a description of a sunset or wedding that makes your own personal memories of those experiences pale in comparison, a person dead or dying of a little known disease, fish, dark humor, nothing callous or insensitive, 2-15 words that aren’t English, and either a galactic spaceship battle or a grounded discussion about motherhood but preferably both.

Now that might sound easy, but once you start writing you’ll definitely notice some key elements are missing. So here are some tips, advice, suggestions, reminders and pointers on how to reduce redundancy and sharpen that first chapter into a useful weapon to plunge into heart of your reader.

Start in media res

With ever-decreasing attention spans, the readers of today need their dopamine fix fast. Recent studies show that readers will decide whether or not to read your book after the first three words. So you’ve got to whip out all your literary might, so to speak, and dangling it front of their face.

That’s why I suggest you start in the middle of your scene. Skip long introductions, skip backstories, skip exposition, skip character description, skip names, skip adverbs, skip nouns, skip punctuation. Start your book with a gunshot to the head. “Bang Bang Bang.” Start your book with cannibalism. “As far back as I can remember, I always wondered what people tasted like.” Start your book with a nonsensical string of expletives. “Fuckin’ piss-ass cocksuckin’ motherfucker.”

Don’t frontload the backstory

Be sparing with your reveals. It’s probably not good to painstakingly detail every year of your character’s life from birth to their present age. Don’t make the same mistake I did and write a hard-boiled crime thriller where the lead detective doesn’t reach puberty until page 46.

Maybe pick one or two key moments from your character’s past that relate to the events unfolding in your first chapter. If your character is eating a sandwich, maybe then would be the time to talk about their high school job as a school cafeteria bully. If your character is in the middle of a high-speed car chase, maybe you should talk about the advice their high school driving instructor gave them.

Opinion, opinion, opinion

Your story is driven by the voice you give your narrator. Original, radical opinions are maybe the best hook you can give your reader. Give your character a refreshing voice of reason, or a scornful voice of hatred.

Look for contrasts. Maybe your radical Islamic terrorist has decided to leave his past behind and open a bakery on the west side. Or maybe hint at a revelation like this: “I hated immigrants my whole life – until the day I realized I was one.”

When nothing else works, change your starting point

Start by asking yourself, “Why am I starting here?” Then ask yourself, “What if I started here?” Then, “No, how about here?” And “No, I think the second one was better. No, wait, which one was the second one?” And finally, “Why am I trying to write this stupid fucking book nobody’s going to read? Just give up you no talent piece of garbage.”

And once you get all that out of your system, try removing your first paragraph and see if that’s better. If that doesn’t work, make your second chapter your first. Then delete every sixth sentence and see what that looks like. Is your story starting to make much less sense and does it seem completely disjointed and nonsensical? If you’ve followed everything I said up until now, your answer should be “no.”

Finally, deliver the burgeoning conflict

There’s a saying I put in all my Powerpoint presentations when I teaching storytelling at the adult learning annex: “Your first chapter doesn’t have to bring the storm, but the storm should be visible on the horizon.” After all the applause, I go on to explain how this is the driving force of all fiction.

Be subtle. Instead of staring with a bank robbery, have the manager of bank security list every single vulnerability he’s noticed. Instead of starting with the death of a father, start with a dream sequence of a near-death experience of an uncle.

 

Remember, it’s important not to panic. This is a long process. So long as you don’t mind getting rejected for decades, there’s nothing to worry about. I hope this has been helpful.

Seven Secrets To Writing Better Characters

Daniel Madison1 Comment

l ron hubbard

Characters are the windows to our story’s soul. They embody our wants, wishes and desires, and we often use them to say the things we can’t in real life without being called a “racist,” “sexist,” or “that guy who has some strange ideas about Israel for someone who’s not very religious.”

The following is a sneak-peak of what you’ll learn in my 75 part, non-refundable online writing course on how to create believable, dynamic characters that aren’t obvious self-inserts.

Give your characters strong opinions

As a writer, there’s a good chance you’re naturally passive. You’re probably afraid to speak in front of others, cower from responsibility and suffer from a complete lack of charisma.

To write resonant characters, however, you’ve got to provide  strong personalities readers will want to follow for the next 300 pages. Giving your character strong opinions is a great way to do so.

For example, I wrote a story about a lonely, American twenty-something unsure of what to do with his life who also thought the holocaust wasn’t such a big deal. I realized it wasn’t working and couldn’t quite understand why. After a good deal of consultation with my beta readers, I decided it would be much better if he denied the holocaust ever happened at all. Now he was somebody who got your attention.

Unpredictability is key

Storytelling is all about character growth, how characters react to their circumstances and how they mould the world around them. Nothing will grip a reader more than a character making an important decision your reader didn’t expect, and if you followed my last piece of advice, sharp changes of mind will be all the more striking.

For example, try making your conformist, browbeaten neighborhood butcher, who has spent his whole life doing what he’s told and making sausage from animal parts, decide one day that he’s going to make sausage out of human parts.

It can go the other way, too. Make your antagonist the good guy. Maybe the liberal philosophy professor decides he isn’t going to give another lecture about why everyone needs to be atheist, quits his job and instead goes to church to pray.

Grudges are another key

This goes part and parcel with strong opinions. Much of our folklore – hell, much of human history – is built upon grudges. I think naturally we as humans are fearful of outsiders, occupying forces and the imminent threat of Sharia law being implementing in our schools.

Your grudges can be professional, political, social or familial. And sometimes, the vaguer the better. A hinted-at grudge is a great way to worldbuild without wasting too much time on exposition. In my Grisham-esque thriller The Subtle Subpoena, we don’t need to be told why the protagonist has it in for the criminal defense firm Abelman, Cohen and Blumenthal – it should be obvious.

Improve physical descriptions by being as specific as possible

Strong, unique physical descriptions are a cornerstone of great character. Read the following sentence: “The cashier had a mole under his right eye.” Decent, but it leaves a lot to the imagination. Here’s a much better version of that sentence: “The cashier had a mole 2.78 centimeters below his right eye.”

Better, right? It’s much easier to picture this way. In the first example, the mole could technically be anywhere under his right eye; it could be next to his mouth, on his neck, on his knee, or even under his left eye.

Character names are more important than anything

Nobody wants to read a book about someone named Jared or Brayden. That’s why it’s important you pick evocative names that follow the three “make it’s”: Make it era-appropriate, alliterative and symbolic.

Names that don’t fit the era they’re set in can be distracting. If you’re writing a historical drama about the Antebellum South, don’t do what I did and name your general Zebulon Geezwax of the Ursa Antilles Cluster.

Also, alliterate every name you can. All great writers and porn stars do it. Names like Candy Cox and Dante Demarcus DeHarrison already tell the reader a lot about the character.

And slather your names in symbolism. Don’t call your character something boring like Joe unless you want him to be an everyman. If you’re writing sci-fi give them a mythic Greek last name and if you’re writing literary fiction give them a mythic Greek first name. Or use obscure color names like Vermillion Dax, Smaragdine Simons, and Burnt Sienna.

The third key is interesting professions

There have already been a lot of books about sea captains, princes, private detectives, humanities professors, hippies and refugees who just whine about everything that’s happened to them. It’s your job as a writer to explore the unexplored, and what better way to do so than by picking a character with a unique profession.

Some ideas: Podcasters who will do anything to uphold the Second Amendment; a Crisis Actor; a movie producer and lobbyist trying to repeal the Second Amendment; a lawyer who happens to be a woman; and the most unsung of all heroes, Israeli politicians.

Finally, you need a moral dilemma

So you’ve got an opinionated, grudge-bearing, unpredictable character with a unique name and profession. But eventually your story will hinge upon the decisions that character makes, and a perfect way to do that is to put their convictions to test, to force them to make uncomfortable choices. This conflict is the essence of all my books (and I assume others as well).

Will your podcaster let Spotify ban his streams on their platform, or will he use his Second Amendment rights to uphold the First? Maybe your character has always been taught men and women are equal? If so, what will he do to stop radical feminists from attacking him on social media?

 

To learn more about character development, contact us to enroll in our comprehensive online course. It’s just three easy payments of $88.

 

Your Guide To Beta Readers

Daniel Madison1 Comment

beta reader

So, after months (or perhaps years) of blood, sweat and tears, you’ve finally finished your book, revised it, self-edited it and have proven to your friends and family that you’re not an unambitious, braindead waste of space slowly counting the days until death.

But hold on there. Before you consider self-publishing or reaching out to literary agents, you’ll want to consider sending your book to beta readers.

What are beta readers?

Beta readers are volunteers who will read your book and provide you with feedback. The name “beta” comes from the word “Betamax,” a popular home video format from the 1980s. People would often share and exchange these “beta” videos in much the way beta reading is the sharing of novels and ideas for improving them.

Beta readers are a good way to get a fresh set of eyes on your work, to address the numerous glaring mistakes, plot holes, poor characterizations, boring passages, cliches, overly graphic sex scenes, and embarrassingly obvious references to your personal life in your work.

It’s important to remember that a beta reader is not an editor. Remember, development editors help you with your overall structure, line editors look at your usage and diction and polish things up to make your manuscript sparkle, proofreaders look at grammar and spelling errors, grammar consultants tell you if you’re using the gerund correctly, book buddies are the shoulder to cry on, and then there’re critique partners, who are basically another word for beta readers but they’re also totally different and I’m not going to explain why,

And if that sounds confusing and overwhelming, well… maybe your family was right about you being a braindead waste of space.

Who makes for a good beta reader?

It will be tempting to ask friends and family to fill this role. But ultimately, these people despise you so much, it will be tough to get a fair, unbiased opinion. (If you’re anything like me, you wrote this book just to spite them for thinking you didn’t have it in you.) So who then?

Your best option is prisoners, if you have the right connections. Every great writer should have at least two or three wardens in his contact list.

Which brings me to my next point: You probably want different beta readers for each project. Anyone too used to you or your writing will have trouble judging you honestly. Fortunately, most prisoners will either be transferred, released, or executed by the time of your next release.

What should you want from your beta reader?

This is very specific to the type of project you’re working on. It will be beneficial to send a list of questions to your beta reader. Here’s some from my most recent project:

  • Are there too many descriptions of female breasts, or not enough?
  • Which female character’s breasts did you most enjoy reading about?
  • Did it feel like the breasts lacked strong character motivation?
  • Was the progression of the breasts throughout the story convincing?
  • Did the dialogue about the breasts sound natural to you (even the parts concerning the fake breasts)?

Through this process, my prisoners were quick to inform me that I’d neglected the breasts far too often. I’d (in a rather sexist way, I’m sad to admit) spent too much time having my female characters talking about the men in their life, instead of celebrating the unique individuality of their own breasts.

How do you implement and handle feedback?

It’s natural, upon hearing any sort of criticism, to want to verbally assault or threaten your beta reader. This is yet another reason why prisoners work so well. A quick scan of their rap sheet will make you think twice about threatening or insulting them. And that’s great because these people are here to help you on your journey and only want to make you a better writer.

And remember, you don’t have to heed all of their advice. Early on, one of my beta readers kept describing my female characters as “unsympathetic.”  While he enjoyed the titillating descriptions of her body, he kept saying he didn’t understand why the reader should care about her. I might’ve taken his advice, too, if I hadn’t learned he was doing four life sentences in Lompoc for strangling prostitutes.

If more than one of your beta readers describes a plot point as confusing, or certain character developments as unearned, then there’s probably something to it. Go through the comments they leave and pick the ones to keep and the ones to discard. If three people say you need to flesh out the part where your character finally reveals the secret about her breast augmentation surgery to her roommate, those are keepers. If you see comments like “Help. Please, I’m not supposed to be in here,” or “When I break out of here, I’m comin’ for you first,” those are the ones you want to discard.

And finally, make sure you politely thank your beta readers for their time.

 

 

Five Must-Know Facts About Manuscript Appraisals

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by Qate Blanjett

laughing at book

Manuscript appraisal is one of the cornerstones of the publishing process. It can help you become a better writer and turn your book from a piece of trash even your best friends belittle you for to a best-seller. Simply put, manuscript appraisal is when someone reads an early draft of your book and gives you notes on different structural elements of your story, such as pace, tone, plot, and character.

The feedback you’re given can be life-changing. Many people don’t know this, but George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Fire and Ice was originally a series of cookbooks before a manuscript appraiser convinced him to turn in into the medieval fantasy saga we all know and love today.

Below, I ask and answer five questions about manuscript appraising which I think hope illuminate the process to the uninitiated.

Do I need a manuscript appraisal?

This is an important question to ask yourself. The short answer is, if you haven’t written a book and don’t want to be an author, then no. If so, then yes. The long answer is the same thing but written in a more long-winded, roundabout way that someone who does manuscript appraisal can help you make more concise.

What kind of appraisal service should I choose?

With the rise of digital publishing, more and more appraisal services have been sprouting up. But how is an inexperienced author supposed to know who to choose? Generally speaking, it’s more convenient to pick somebody local, but if you have a small budget, outsourcing the job to West Africa is another good option. Still, you have to be careful. Some red flags to look for:

  • Companies that require a blood sample
  • Companies that don’t have or know what a “website” is
  • Companies that offer an appraisal within 24 hours
  • Businesses registered as toothpaste manufacturers for tax purposes
  • Testimonials that refer to the company as a “bunch of shitheads”
  • Companies that only offer appraisals in the form of “would bang” and “would not bang”

How do I know if my manuscript is ready for appraisal?

Ideally, you’d like to have the best possible draft of your work ready when you start to appraise. But more realistically, you’re a really shitty writer, which is why you’re doing the whole appraisal thing in the first place. So just get to where ever you feel is good and let the people you’re paying do the hard work.

What sort of feedback can you expect?

This is a tough one. Because you’re really just tossing a coin. Some appraisers are less professional than others, and will resort to personal attacks and name calling. They’ll say your ideas are “borderline genocidal” and “a symptom of the decline of political debate in this country.” More level-headed appraisers will be more constructive and positive, telling you “you’re one of the ones who gets it” and “not afraid to offend the snowflakes.”

What should I include when sending in my manuscript for appraisal?

Below I’ve compiled a list of the definitely yeses, definitely nos and definitely maybes.

Definitely Yes

  • Your manuscript
  • A cover letter
  • A killer mixtape
  • A short synopsis
  • Some chocolates or other types of sweets
  • An author bio that forgoes some of your more personal beliefs, such as that of your views on miscegenation

Definitely No

  • Hair and most other types of human remains
  • Somebody else’s manuscript
  • A copy of an already published best-seller
  • Erotic photography of the author
  • A personal manifesto that definitely includes your views on miscegenation

Definitely Maybe

  • Deer hair
  • An assortment of jerked meats
  • An author bio that explains your fragile mental state and likelihood to resort to self-harm when faced with criticism
  • Erotic photography of an attractive person
  • Your return address

Five Tips for Writers Considering Self-Publishing – And More Tips

Daniel MadisonLeave a comment

by Truitt Collyns 

cash money

Let me set the scene – perhaps it’s a familiar one. You’re sitting at your desk one morning, an open bottle of vodka to one side, a loaded pistol to the other. Your manuscript has just been rejected by your favorite publisher, such as, for example, Dragon Eagle Publishing. But even though a full day of raucous drinking and gunplay should cheer you up, it’s not going to introduce your masterwork to a larger audience.

So perhaps it’s time to consider self-publishing. But first,  reflect on why your story was rejected in the first place. For example, did you know that more than 75 percent of manuscripts Dragon Eagle receives are rejected solely because the author had an ugly-sounding name? Names like Jett, Shadow, Kirisitiana? That’s your aiming for – none of this John, Herman, Virginia or Gertrude nonsense. But it’s not always the name. For example, maybe you had some beta readers – friends, family, co-workers – appraise your work. Did any of them describe it as “bad,” or “not good,” or “not worth publishing?” Have any refused to talk to you since? Well, maybe that’s a sign you still need to make some minor tweaks.

But let’s say you got a great pseudonym, a clever title and a story people can at least feign interest in to maintain your personal relationships. Here’s some tips and information about the world of self-publishing we hope can guide you.

1. Do your research

This is probably the most important step your self-publishing journey because not all ebooks are created equal and not every solution is going to work for your project. Therefore, when you Google “How to Self-Publish My Ebook” don’t just look at the first page of results. This is going to require you to go to all the way to page 6 or 7. (Unless, of course, your settings are different and you don’t just get the standard ten results per page).

2. Your local neighborhood library is a great resource…

… of cheap labor because of its large homeless population. You can have these people write and post reviews to Amazon, Lulu and Goodreads, create ad copy, and even design covers if you hit the jackpot and stumble across a former art major and mother of three whose house recently burned down due to faulty wiring.

3. Promote your book

This one’s pretty self-explanatory. Once your book is ready to upload, you’re going to need to spread the word. So get to it.

4. Remember that books aren’t sandwiches.

This is an important one when considering your audience and their needs. Keep in mind, sandwiches are just something to provide humans with nourishment and energy. Books are also not washing machines, tiny umbrellas you put in cocktails, nice fleece blankets or 2008 Honda CR-V’s. A person who needs those things doesn’t necessarily need your book. (Books are, however, a well-maintained ceiling fan).

5. Consider marrying into a rich family, or waiting until you make your first million, to start publishing

6. Or, failing that, consider all possible corporate tie-ins

7. Make sure you’re using the subjunctive correctly

8. Enter every contest, even if your book doesn’t fit the topic. Trust me, the National Jewish Writing Society doesn’t want to read any more about the Holocaust.

9. Be the smartest, loudest and preferably tallest member of every writing organization you join.

10. You’re almost there.

So you’ve done everything we’ve said. You did your marketing research and promotion, you’ve created a cover, everything’s formatted, you know who your audience is and you feel success is on it way.

Well, you couldn’t be more right, because the next thing you’re going to do is hit the “Cancel Publishing” button, not upload your book to the platform and ask for a refund if you need to. Because you’ve passed the test and shown Dragon Eagle Publishing you’ve got what it takes to make it in this business.

Send everything to us and we’ll get the contract prepped and ready to sign. Welcome to the Dragon Eagle family, Mr. (or possibly Mrs.) Writer. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

 

Editor to the Letter

Daniel MadisonLeave a comment

By Devin Harper

As the chief editor of Dragon Eagle, I’ve got a pretty easy job. Editing is, at its essence, a spirited dialogue between the author and editor. But since most of our authors are dead, I’m left with no choice but to publish their work the way they intended: word-for-word with zero revision or proofreading.

So instead, I’ve decided to devote my time to this monthly column, where I analyze pieces submitted to Dragon Eagle and offer advice on how to improve them. This first example comes from an entry into our short story contest last July. Let’s take a look at the opening paragraph:

John closed his eyes, knowing full well he would walk out of this room, and through the door that led to the outside of said room, the one he was currently in, a changed man. He opened his mouth and sucked in several deep gulps of the nitrogen-oxygen mixture – no breathing through the nose for him. Once his blood was adequately oxygenated, he took a step forward, first by lifting his right foot off the ground, and second by placing it back on the ground several inches ahead of its prior position. This process was repeated with the utmost of mechanical precision. In the gaps between his blinks, John was left to absorb and process the visual data. The carpet was a motley of red, green, brown, yellow, pink and orange and several other colors, but the walls, in sharp contrast, were of a single tan color, and, as he expected, John could not see his reflection in them. His body lurched forward of its own momentum and came to a halt. John, using his lower appendages as a fulcrum, stood there.

Pretty good. There’s a few things, though, I might change to tighten things up. For example, the sentence “He opened his mouth and sucked in several deep gulps of the nitrogen-oxygen mixture” is a little wordy. I might write it like this: “His mouth opened and drew in several deep gulps of the nitrogen-oxygen mixture.”

And I think the author has a slight tendency to use big words where a small one would suffice.  We could turn “Once his blood was adequately oxygenated” into “Once his body was adequately oxygenated.” With those changes, our edited paragraph might look something like this:

John closed his eyes, knowing full well he would walk out of this room, and through the door that led to the outside of the room, the one he was currently in, a different man. His mouth opened and drew in several deep gulps of the nitrogen-oxygen mixture – no breathing through the nose for him. Once his body was adequately oxygenated, he took a step forward, first by lifting his right foot off the ground, and second by placing it back on the ground several inches ahead of its earlier position. This process was repeated with the utmost of mechanical precision. In the gaps in his blinks, John was left to absorb and process the visual data. The carpet was a motley of red, green, brown, yellow, pink and orange and several more colors, but the walls, in sharp contrast, were of a single tan color, and, as he expected, John could not see his reflection in them. His body lurched forward of its own momentum and came to a halt. John, using his lower appendages as a fulcrum, stood there.

Let’s look at another example. This one comes from a blood-stained napkin an anonymous author slid under our office door one evening:

Strength. Beauty. Brutality. Honor. Decorum. Love. The men were out there, bodies heaving, mouths panting, ears listening, finally putting into practice what they’d only seen etched so passionately on chalkboards. For some, the battle inward was more harrowing than the one they were chasing outwardly. It was not just the darkness of defeat, for that they’d been prepared for since birth. No, it was the obliteration of the self that truly haunted them. Perhaps it was the intimacy, to be in such close proximity to the enemy, to look into the eyes of a man who could be your brother and taste his sweat. And in this moment they knew you’d have the cut off the head of sympathy the moment it reared its head.

Again, not bad writing per se, but a little wordy. You get the sense the author’s relying a bit too much on unnecessary jargon. With some minor edits, we’re left with this:

The Detroit Pistons defeat the Chicago Bulls, 107-91.