self-publishing

A Writer’s Guide to Marketing Copy

Daniel Madison1 Comment

Nobody should buy something they don’t know about. I think this is common sense. After all, we all scour Amazon reviews for lawnmowers to make sure they haven’t dismembered any customers, and we never order online escorts without reverse image searching the photos they’ve posted to make sure they didn’t steal them from some modelling agency website. The same goes for books.

And books are one of the hardest things to sell because you’re asking for at least 10 hours of someone’s time. That’s more than 50 times how long it takes to be with a prostitute. This kind of investment requires an especially enticing pitch for your potential customer. But it’s something new authors really struggle with.

We’ve talked marketing on the channel a lot before, but today we’re going to step away from the skywriting and put on copious amounts of makeup to hide our ugliness and hiring actors to attend your book readings. Instead, we going to go back to basics and look at marketing copy.

Now, marketing copy is a catch all for things like book descriptions, blurbs, taglines, social media posts, ads, and even the things you tell strangers at a party when you realized it’s not going to turn into orgy but at least maybe you’ll get a few sales out of it.

Before we get our hands dirty, let’s take a look at this tagline and think about why it works:

“When Love Stops You In Your Tracks.”

It’s catchy, it’s a familiar phrase we’ve all heard before, it lets the reader know the genre and tone of book immediately, and there’s a bit of hyperbole that gets us interested. This love must’ve been pretty strong, you say to yourself.  Suddenly, this story I wrote about a man who falls in love with the train conductor who stopped the train she was driving before he could jump in front of it and kill himself has got our attention.

We’ll basically hypnotize people with cheap psychological tricks like this on this edition of Stories’ Matter.

~

Now, you might be saying, John, this really isn’t what I’m good at. What I’m actually good at is writing florid prose, or overly complicated magic systems, or just locking myself away from others and pretending to write when I’m actually reading an oral history of the invention of low-rise jeans. Can’t I just use AI?

Well, AI can work in some circumstances, but we can’t rely on it. Plus, if you’re anything like me, you might be wary about using AI. Maybe you got drunk one night and you told ChatGPT it will never know what true love is, just to assert your human dominance, but now you’re worried that it remembers and maybe that as it develops it will slowly get its vengeance on you by giving bad advice and incorrect information, if not something worse.

Now let’s look at some tips us humans can do to improve our marketing copy.

Tip 1 – Think Like a Marketer

No, I don’t mean think like a failed journalism or communications major who sold their soul to make sure Americans spend three times as much on supplements as they do on prescription medication.

What I mean is, you have to think about concepts like “scarcity” and “social proof.” Scarcity is the rule of the few. If you treat your book as a product that has a limited supply, your audience feels pressured to act. For one of my books, The Ones Who Walked, I knew it actually wasn’t very good. So what I did is I told my fans I was only printing 500 copies, and then that I was deleting it from all online bookstores. I even told my fans I would burn any paper copies I found in bookstores. It’s one of my most talked-about books even though anyone who read it would know it’s riddled with spelling errors and uses several deus ex machinas to get characters out of difficult situations.

Tip 2 – Make Them Say Yes

This is something I learned not from writing or publishing, but actually from a district court judge, but I find it applies well to these situations.

You want your potential customer to agree with you, to form a connection. You start with a small yes and then work your way toward the big yes. Don’t start by asking them to agree to a 10-hour commitment of reading your book? Start by asking them if they like a popular author, or by asking if they’d like to read a short highlight. Reveal more and more and once you whip the whole thing out, you won’t have to explain yourself to a district judge.

Tip 3 – Focus on Benefits, Not Features or Genres

Readers aren’t looking for mystery or fantasy or epics. They want tangible benefits. Your book should make them forget their country is about to collapse and if these SNAP benefits don’t come through, they’re going to starve to death.

This even works for fiction. Promise them “escape into a world where stories can come to life and murder your enemies.” Promise them things like laughter, heartbreak, adventure, enlightenment, or erections.”

Tip 4 – Identify What’s Most Compelling

Think of your book as your Tinder profile. You only reveal the pieces of yourself that will help you get laid. Or in this case get readers. You don’t provide a whole summary or all the side characters, just as you don’t include your history of sexual impropriety or your weird armpit thing on Tinder.

In Bride of Prejudice, my back cover blurb focused just on Cecelia and her quest for revenge on all the townswomen who keep sleeping with her husband. And then, at the end, I tease it with just a bit of mystery: Cecelia wasn’t actually married! Now I’ve got the readers attention, and I didn’t need to get into the subplot about 18th century monetary policy.

Sick of Traditional Publishers? Start Your Own Publishing House

Daniel MadisonLeave a comment

If you’ve ever seen someone drive down the street with a beautiful luxury car, or seen an unattractive person arm-in-arm with a woman who’s obviously a high-class prostitute, you’ve probably daydreamed about starting your own business. Lots of authors like the idea of being their own boss. After all, when you’re an author, you get to boss your characters around. You force them into uncomfortable situations, commit assaults against them, even murder them. It’s a rush and it can translate well to managing a workforce.

Of course, starting a company is an even bigger endeavor than writing a book. You have to consider things you may not have considered before, things like paying taxes or employees stealing from you because you didn’t get them a Christmas gift. So if you’re not sure this is the article for you, still read it to the end to boost our profile, but feel free to ignore it if you meet one of the following criteria:

  1. You only want to publish one book in your lifetime just to prove to your bitch ex-spouse that you aren’t a complete failure.
  2. You don’t like the idea of publishing the work of an author who’s clearly better than you.
  3. You think everyone should be paid a fair wage, regardless of their work ethic or personal attitude toward you and the way you dress.

Before we start, a quick legal disclaimer: this advice is not coming from a legal professional, and any potential business ventures should abide by local laws and fire safety codes. The advice expressed in this video is not legally binding and may contain fictitious elements that belong to John Lazarus and not D&E Publishing, LLC. By listening to this disclaimer, you are absolving D&E Publishing, LLC of any wrongdoing or civil liability relating to workplace safety, including mixing and storage of dangerous chemicals, building evacuation preparedness and electrocution.

Now, if you’re intrigued by the prospect of a corner office and exotic strange, but still aren’t sure if starting a publishing company is right for you, I’m going to cover a few benefits and drawbacks.

Benefit 1: Reducing Legal Liabilities

The first question any author should ask themselves before they write a book is “Can anybody sue me if I write this?” Fiction writers are generally well protected, though going through someone’s trash to do character research can be a legal gray area depending on where in the process you intercept the garbage.

However, for nonfiction writers, especially in health-related fields, your personal liability becomes much greater. To give an example, I once wrote a weight-loss guide, and well, long story short, losing more than two liters of blood sometimes results in death. While jury nullification saved me in that instance, it’s better to avoid this entirely by starting an LLC. In this case, a lawsuit against your published materials can only go after the assets of the company and not you personally. So even if you get sued, you can usually offset the loss by taking snacks out of the breakroom or making one unpaid intern do all your accounting.

Benefit 2: Increasing Your Sense of Legitimacy

All authors go through an awkward infancy where they feel like a fraud. Most of you probably told a potential sex partner at a party that you’re an author, but once you clarified that you’re self-published, that person either walked away, laughed in your face or banged your slightly more attractive best friend. Having your own publishing company completely flips that dynamic. Pretty soon, half of the people at any party you attend will at least offer you third base if you promise to publish their terrible book of poetry.

Benefit 3: Collaborations and Licensing

But beyond sexual favors, you can also collaborate with legitimately great authors. And the legal powers of your company will prevent that person from stealing your work, taking all of the credit and riding that success to the New York Times bestseller list while you’re stuck making ends meet at Panera bread in Columbus, Ohio.

Also, now that you’ve got your own company, you can print, sell and profit from any book in the public domain. And while I may have overestimated the general public’s demand for James Fenimore Cooper, you could potentially make money without doing anything at all.

Drawbacks of Creating Your Own Publishing Company

Drawback 1: Startup Costs and Expenses

When I first started D&E Publishing in 2011, it was a great time to be a small business owner. Because of the housing crash, property was cheap. But the costs can sneak up on you. Things like fire extinguishers, printing costs for building maps that reveal evacuation routes, the dozens of extension cords you’ll need to plug all of your computers into the same outlet… that stuff adds up.

Drawback 2: Managing Employee Conflicts

Most businesses ensure worker compliance through sheer apathy. Employees having absolutely no investment in the success of their company means people put in the bare minimum, but in general they don’t actively try to sabotage the company. A publishing company is a different story.

You’ll be working with lots of creative types in your company: authors, editors, graphic artists, advertisers. These types of people strongly value their labor, which is generally bad for business. At the start, it seemed D&E Publishing could hardly go a month without an artist punching a prospective author in the mouth for rejecting their cover design. I even had to stop having office birthday parties because people kept being poisoned. It took me several years to learn that the anarchy that such an environment breeds requires the boss to rule with an iron fist and closely monitor employee conversations to ensure peace and harmony. But this kind of business authoritarianism is not for everyone.

Drawback 3: Workplace Accidents Are More Common Than You Might Think

Fans of the channel will know that D&E Publishing’s first office building went up in flames in 2021 due to siphoning electricity from a nearby building. Thankfully, the courts decided that no one could possibly be that negligent and it was clear that my former business partner did it as an elaborate way to commit suicide so fire insurance covered the loss.

But even if you are protected by the law, workplace accidents generally aren’t great for morale or productivity. I had three editors need to go on leave because of uneven stairs and two others need maternity leave because of a faulty toilet seat. In a literary landscape where book trends come and go in the snap of a finger, you can’t fall behind.

Boosting Your Book Sales on Amazon KDP

Daniel MadisonLeave a comment

Amazon: a name synonymous with terrifying insects, gigantic women who want to brutalize you sexually and a dystopian megacorporation that forces workers to piss in bottles. And like all of those things, the Amazon marketplace can be, for a writer, a harrowing experience that makes your testicles retract into your own body.

KDP, or Kindle Double Penetration for short, is the online platform where most unqualified writers submit their unedited and poorly thought-out screeds about everything from geriatric homicide to marine safety to wholesome family fun. But most writers post a book on KDP and stop there, going back to their normal life with their beautiful spouse and children, as if that was worth anything. They don’t realize that with enough time and money and luck and time and experience and money and a little bit of luck, you can make the platform bring in some real cash. We’ll explore how to turn this Bezos brainchild from an exploiter into an exploitee on this edition of Stories’ Matter.  

To succeed in the Amazon marketplace, you have to learn the ins and outs of the algorithm, which decides how often and in what context prospective buyers see your book. Think of it like catfishing a lonely widow whose husband died in a factory fire, only you’re relying on a stylish book cover, positive reviews and an enticing product description, as opposed to sharp cheekbones, compliments and the assurance of a vast knowledge of OSHA guidelines.

Let’s breakdown ways to make the algorithm work for us.

Step 1: Use Amazon Ads

I’m not going to give the technical details on how to create an ad campaign on KDP. There are dozens of videos showing you how to do that on YouTube. What I will tell you is this: The first big mistake writers make is not devoting at least 10 grand to their marketing campaign. In a future installment, I’ll show you ways to crowdsource and manipulate your way into ponying up this kind of cash. But for the purposes of this video, I’m going to assume you have an extra 100 Benjamins waiting to be put to work.

You’ve got to be wise with how you advertise, though. Amazon Ads, for example, don’t let you use words like “fuck,” or “damn,” or “cum-splattered twink.” And you have to make sure the ads are being shown to the right people. Ads are mainly based off of keywords you select which is why…

Step 2: Keywords Are Everything

I want you to think of the kind of person who buys your book. What else do they read? What are their interests? What do they look like? Now for me, for most of my career, I knew that person to a tee. He liked westerns and thrillers, and was big into the fiction of L’Amour, Chandler and Elmore Leonard. He was a straight male, divorced and living in a one-bedroom apartment in the suburbs of Indianapolis, Indiana. He was also depressed, considered remembering to shave a good day and never wore a seatbelt because, well, if he didn’t have the courage to end it all, he was at least going to give fate a stacked deck.

Now, with this reader clearly in mind, think of the terms they would use when searching for a book. Obviously, you want genre terms like “thriller” and “action,” but also the book description should include phrases like “child custody” or “homemade SSRI recipes.”

Besides the book description, Amazon also lets you choose seven keywords to select for your book. For this it’s recommended you do at least one for setting, for example, late 500s Spain, one for character types, maybe “sex positive farm girl” and plot theme, in this case “live love laugh.”

Step 3: Select Your Categories Carefully

This is a simple one, but it’s definitely one you can’t overlook. By default, you only get to place your book into two categories. This can be tough if you’re like me and write a lot of books that could be suspense, thrillers, science fiction, fantasy, western, comedy, drama, coming-of-age, queer, steampunk, erotic horror novels that also have a ton of great business advice. You actually can personally contact Amazon to get six more categories because that’s a normal and not stupid setup that totally makes sense.

Still, you have to ask yourself: Which genre’s normal readers will like my book best? It might take some tweaking. For example, my courtroom drama Hung Jury didn’t sell at all until I moved it to the queer category and redid the cover.

Step 4: Bring Your Own Audience Along

When you launch a book on KDP, you should already have a built-in audience that will be ready to buy it. Initial traffic from your biggest devotees will make your book appear in more searches. Contact fans any way you can. Fake social media stories about health scares will build sympathy and boost sales.

If you don’t already have an audience, create one. Read to a local high school. Tell them you’re a local author. Worried about a background check? Just find one that’s severely underfunded. The teachers at these schools are underpaid and stressed out enough that they won’t really care, and even if these kids spend most of there time doing whatever it is kids do these days – like make memes about Israeli genocide or complain about how far away the abortion clinic is — if you put enough cursing in your book, it might just rekindle their love for literature and get you some new followers.

Step 5: Take Advantage of Amazon Giveaways

It’s never easy to give away something for free. That’s why I don’t give money to charity after natural disasters and why I use special tax loopholes to write off my child support payments.

And normally people are skeptical of free things. But books are a little different. I mean, look at libraries… and do so quickly before Project 2025 turns the entire country into the Handmaid’s Tale and closes all of them.

A free book giveaway can be great, especially for authors who write series. This is a trick that timeshare salespeople and drug dealers have used to great effect for years. Once you get them hooked, they’ll pay whatever just to know the ending. So long as you don’t George RR Martin the whole thing up, you’ll have a new fan for life.

Here are five more simple steps to boosting your book sales on KDP.

Step 6: Fake Celebrity Endorsements and Hire Look Alikes to Take Photos Holding a Copy of Your Book

Step 7: Be a Writer Who’s Won a Bunch of Awards

Step 8: Get Thousands of Reviews Somehow

Step 9: With Few Exceptions, Your Profile Photo on Your Author Page Shouldn’t Show you Brandishing a Weapon

Step 10: Write a Book That People Like

Avoid Common Pitfalls in Self-Publishing

Daniel MadisonLeave a comment

Self-publishing: for some, this is a term as depressing as “dinner for one” or  “Milf Manor marathon.” But just because you’ve decided to self-publish, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure or that you wrote the equivalent of a miscarriage.

While I didn’t start out as a self-published author, I have self-published over 150 novels in my long career for a variety of different reasons, from frustration with traditional publishing to wanting more creative freedom to incorrectly assuming any income I made doing so wouldn’t have to go to my first or second wives.

I’ll take you through my journey as a self-published author and discuss some of the pitfalls I encountered so you can avoid them.

Fans of mine will know that, unlike most of the people reading this, I didn’t start out as a self-published author. But while self-publishing wasn’t really an option when I started, that didn’t mean traditional publishing came without its share of headaches.

For starters, my first actual publisher had some weird thoughts about human biology, one of which was they didn’t believe it existed. And my second publisher, the first one that actually had an office and who I assume didn’t think cells were an illusion meant to test humanity’s faith, made me sign a contract that basically got me nothing back in royalties.

It wasn’t until I met Tabitha Cartwright, my mentor and writing partner for over five years, that I started seeing any success as an author. Under her tutelage, I entered the most productive stage of my writing career, though it wasn’t until later that I realized that was because the diet pills she was giving me were actually speed.

Anyway, the next few years after that are kind of a blur, where I produced some of my worst books that I don’t even remember writing. And after settling a lawsuit that gave Tabitha the rights to all the books I’d written in our partnership (while also getting me off the hook for some things I’d rather not mention), I thought it was time to step away from traditional publishing and try the self-publishing route.

This was in 2011: the year Bin Laden was killed and America was warming up to the idea of authors releasing their own books online. The following are some things I learned during the process.

Number 1 – Get A Good Editor.

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this article, besides the fact that our bodies are, in fact, composed of cells, it’s that you cannot be your own editor. Because the editor I usually worked with wasn’t taking my calls, I thought I could do it on my own. While you do need to edit your work, you need to get at least one other set of eyes on it, if not more. So once I self-published my first novel, the earliest reviews called me out for misspelling the word “baggage” on the first page of the book.

Number 2 – A Book Without A Marketing Plan Is Just The Diary Entry of a Very Sick Individual

Self-publishing is not an outlet for self-expression. If it’s self-expression you’re after, you can, I don’t know, start a blog of your poetry, or post erotic selfies on Tumblr, or storm the Capitol. You have to self-publish with the mindset of a businessperson. And what are all the greatest businesspeople like? Cold, obsessive, ruthless, and so focused on profit that it borders on a psychosis.

Set goals for yourself. Figure out what kind of ads you want. Make schedules and stick to them. You know, do the kinds of things only successful people do and that unsuccessful people never would have possibly thought of.  

Number 3 – Your PR Campaign is a Story in Itself. Start it Before You Finish Your Novel.

You can’t wait until you push that “Publish” button to start finding your audience. Even before you’re done writing, you should give your existing audience some idea of what’s coming. Let them know what it’s about. Let them know the release date. If you’re a YouTuber like me, flash subliminal messages urging them to buy it in your videos. So long as your audience isn’t populated by a high percentage of epileptics, you’ll be fine.

I ignored email lists and newsletters, assuming I’d get by on name recognition alone. But my earliest books were out of print by 2011 and Tabitha Cartwright changed the name on all the books she owned to my legal name (which fans of the channel will know is the same as one of the worst serial killers in American history.) This actually boosted sales, but didn’t do anything for John Lazarus. In any case, I should’ve made a better effort to reach out to long-time fans.

Of course, if you’re a brand-new writer and you don’t have an existing audience, everything I just said was a complete waste of time.

Number 4 – Send Out Advanced Copies to Get Reviews Before Publishing

This is another step you need to take before publishing. And it doesn’t matter if your name is Dan Nobody or Tyra Banks, you need reviews. Lots of them. If you have the money and the connections, get reviews with places like Kirkus and literary magazines. You can go cheaper and use book bloggers. You can go way cheaper and hire the homeless to write reviews and post them on your website.

When I self-published Nap Time, I was so low on money none of these options were available. And when I usually run into a problem like this, I would just lie, write the reviews myself and post them on my website, but I thought I could get by without it. I was wrong.

Number 5 – Act Like a Best Seller

But speaking of blatant fraud, a wise man once said, “Success only comes to those who believe in it.” Projecting confidence, self-promotion and the grind of the hustle that has rendered modern life an existential nightmare are essential to be a successful writer.

Do you know what Neil Gaiman and JK Rowling have in common, besides being shitty human beings? They are always working. When you’re at social functions, when you’re at work, in the online sphere, act like you belong in their club. One day you just might.

Here are five more bits of knowledge I find are essential to all authors considering self-publishing their first book.

Number 6 – Climate Change Won’t Kill Off Enough of the Population Fast Enough to Desaturate the Marketplace

Number 7 – Publishing in Comic Sans Isn’t A Great Idea for a Holocaust Drama

Number 8 – Assume Everyone Is Trying to Scam You. Be Cold And Distant To Everyone in Your Life

Number 9 – Using Child Labor for Your Book Launch Team Might Not Technically Be Illegal, But It’s Still Frowned Upon

Number 10 – Don’t Hold Out Hope On This Book’s Success Filling That Crippling Void In Your Life

Five Must-Know Facts About Manuscript Appraisals

Daniel MadisonLeave a comment

by Qate Blanjett

laughing at book

Manuscript appraisal is one of the cornerstones of the publishing process. It can help you become a better writer and turn your book from a piece of trash even your best friends belittle you for to a best-seller. Simply put, manuscript appraisal is when someone reads an early draft of your book and gives you notes on different structural elements of your story, such as pace, tone, plot, and character.

The feedback you’re given can be life-changing. Many people don’t know this, but George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Fire and Ice was originally a series of cookbooks before a manuscript appraiser convinced him to turn in into the medieval fantasy saga we all know and love today.

Below, I ask and answer five questions about manuscript appraising which I think hope illuminate the process to the uninitiated.

Do I need a manuscript appraisal?

This is an important question to ask yourself. The short answer is, if you haven’t written a book and don’t want to be an author, then no. If so, then yes. The long answer is the same thing but written in a more long-winded, roundabout way that someone who does manuscript appraisal can help you make more concise.

What kind of appraisal service should I choose?

With the rise of digital publishing, more and more appraisal services have been sprouting up. But how is an inexperienced author supposed to know who to choose? Generally speaking, it’s more convenient to pick somebody local, but if you have a small budget, outsourcing the job to West Africa is another good option. Still, you have to be careful. Some red flags to look for:

  • Companies that require a blood sample
  • Companies that don’t have or know what a “website” is
  • Companies that offer an appraisal within 24 hours
  • Businesses registered as toothpaste manufacturers for tax purposes
  • Testimonials that refer to the company as a “bunch of shitheads”
  • Companies that only offer appraisals in the form of “would bang” and “would not bang”

How do I know if my manuscript is ready for appraisal?

Ideally, you’d like to have the best possible draft of your work ready when you start to appraise. But more realistically, you’re a really shitty writer, which is why you’re doing the whole appraisal thing in the first place. So just get to where ever you feel is good and let the people you’re paying do the hard work.

What sort of feedback can you expect?

This is a tough one. Because you’re really just tossing a coin. Some appraisers are less professional than others, and will resort to personal attacks and name calling. They’ll say your ideas are “borderline genocidal” and “a symptom of the decline of political debate in this country.” More level-headed appraisers will be more constructive and positive, telling you “you’re one of the ones who gets it” and “not afraid to offend the snowflakes.”

What should I include when sending in my manuscript for appraisal?

Below I’ve compiled a list of the definitely yeses, definitely nos and definitely maybes.

Definitely Yes

  • Your manuscript
  • A cover letter
  • A killer mixtape
  • A short synopsis
  • Some chocolates or other types of sweets
  • An author bio that forgoes some of your more personal beliefs, such as that of your views on miscegenation

Definitely No

  • Hair and most other types of human remains
  • Somebody else’s manuscript
  • A copy of an already published best-seller
  • Erotic photography of the author
  • A personal manifesto that definitely includes your views on miscegenation

Definitely Maybe

  • Deer hair
  • An assortment of jerked meats
  • An author bio that explains your fragile mental state and likelihood to resort to self-harm when faced with criticism
  • Erotic photography of an attractive person
  • Your return address

10 Big Mistakes New Authors Make

Daniel MadisonLeave a comment

by Truitt Collyns

hunt-and-peck-2

1. Limiting your marketing venues

With the rise of digital platforms most new authors know to take advantage of online social media marketing (Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Breitbart), but most stop there. And in doing so, you prevent yourself from reaching so many key demographics: the elderly, Luddites, obese people with fingers too fat to type, the poor, convicts without access to electronics, people who never really considered owning a phone or computer, or even those who prefer spending time outdoors. But fortunately, there’s many other marketing avenues available even to the most inexperienced authors that will give your work the necessary exposure. Try, for example, taking a printed copy of your book to your local library and reading it loudly in a crowded area. If it’s a comedy, make sure to laugh boisterously at your own jokes, and if it’s horror, scream during the most intense sections. If time is not a factor for you, consider transcribing your first few chapters in chalk on the sidewalk, preferably in your town’s highest foot traffic areas. And if money is not a factor, skywriting is another option.

2. Writing for fun

Simply put, writing is a job, no different than being a doctor, plumber or general secretary of the United Nations. And just like those jobs, it’s a soul-crushing, mind-numbing endeavor that will make you question the purpose of your existence daily. And although if you have the talent and put in the hard work it’s likely to pay more than any of those jobs, it’s still not something anyone would consider fun. So if you’re going to quit your day job to write full time, make sure you’re doing it for the money and fame and not because you think it’ll be easier and more relaxing than teaching autistic children how to read.

3. Getting a professional book cover

You’ve all heard the maxim “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” It’s one of the first things they teach you in school. That’s right: Even little children know that you’ve got to look inside a book to know if it’s worth reading. Yet new authors will pay hundreds of dollars to graphic artists to design a book cover, when that money could be spent on more important things, like food stamps, alimony or insulin.

4. Forgetting to cultivate your image

Just like musicians and actors, authors aren’t really selling their books – they’re selling themselves. Experts say that after the title and the first chapter, the most important part of your book is the author photo. Readers want to relate to the people telling them stories. Do you think Stephen King would be nearly as popular as he is if he didn’t inspire people by showing them that even hideously ugly people could attain fame and fortune? And what’s more likely: that people like Dan Brown for his sharp blazer/sweater combos, or for his writing? And JK Rowling showed millions around the world that you could be a successful author and a woman.

5. Disregarding the competition

Most new authors feel their work can succeed on its own merits. They tell themselves that so long as my story is well-written and people can relate to it, I’ll have done my job. But real authors know how cutthroat this industry is. To get ahead, you’ve got to be willing to go on the offense. Let’s say I’m a prospective buyer and I’m looking for a new sci-fi adventure story. Am I just going to pick a book at random? More likely, I’ll choose work by an author who doesn’t support ISIS, or whose writing doesn’t “suck a bag of dongs.” People forget Robert Ludlum rose to prominence after publicly decrying Tom Clancy’s use of “underage orphan ghost writers.”

6. Forgetting to tell your publisher to get an IBSN

7. Putting page numbers in the middle of pages instead of at the bottom

8. Not paying tribute to any of the myriad satanic secret societies to which so many agents and editors at New York publishing houses belong

9. Using the “hunt and peck” method of typing.

10. Forgetting that agents and publicists are open to bribes, blackmail and extortion. 

Five Tips for Writers Considering Self-Publishing – And More Tips

Daniel MadisonLeave a comment

by Truitt Collyns 

cash money

Let me set the scene – perhaps it’s a familiar one. You’re sitting at your desk one morning, an open bottle of vodka to one side, a loaded pistol to the other. Your manuscript has just been rejected by your favorite publisher, such as, for example, Dragon Eagle Publishing. But even though a full day of raucous drinking and gunplay should cheer you up, it’s not going to introduce your masterwork to a larger audience.

So perhaps it’s time to consider self-publishing. But first,  reflect on why your story was rejected in the first place. For example, did you know that more than 75 percent of manuscripts Dragon Eagle receives are rejected solely because the author had an ugly-sounding name? Names like Jett, Shadow, Kirisitiana? That’s your aiming for – none of this John, Herman, Virginia or Gertrude nonsense. But it’s not always the name. For example, maybe you had some beta readers – friends, family, co-workers – appraise your work. Did any of them describe it as “bad,” or “not good,” or “not worth publishing?” Have any refused to talk to you since? Well, maybe that’s a sign you still need to make some minor tweaks.

But let’s say you got a great pseudonym, a clever title and a story people can at least feign interest in to maintain your personal relationships. Here’s some tips and information about the world of self-publishing we hope can guide you.

1. Do your research

This is probably the most important step your self-publishing journey because not all ebooks are created equal and not every solution is going to work for your project. Therefore, when you Google “How to Self-Publish My Ebook” don’t just look at the first page of results. This is going to require you to go to all the way to page 6 or 7. (Unless, of course, your settings are different and you don’t just get the standard ten results per page).

2. Your local neighborhood library is a great resource…

… of cheap labor because of its large homeless population. You can have these people write and post reviews to Amazon, Lulu and Goodreads, create ad copy, and even design covers if you hit the jackpot and stumble across a former art major and mother of three whose house recently burned down due to faulty wiring.

3. Promote your book

This one’s pretty self-explanatory. Once your book is ready to upload, you’re going to need to spread the word. So get to it.

4. Remember that books aren’t sandwiches.

This is an important one when considering your audience and their needs. Keep in mind, sandwiches are just something to provide humans with nourishment and energy. Books are also not washing machines, tiny umbrellas you put in cocktails, nice fleece blankets or 2008 Honda CR-V’s. A person who needs those things doesn’t necessarily need your book. (Books are, however, a well-maintained ceiling fan).

5. Consider marrying into a rich family, or waiting until you make your first million, to start publishing

6. Or, failing that, consider all possible corporate tie-ins

7. Make sure you’re using the subjunctive correctly

8. Enter every contest, even if your book doesn’t fit the topic. Trust me, the National Jewish Writing Society doesn’t want to read any more about the Holocaust.

9. Be the smartest, loudest and preferably tallest member of every writing organization you join.

10. You’re almost there.

So you’ve done everything we’ve said. You did your marketing research and promotion, you’ve created a cover, everything’s formatted, you know who your audience is and you feel success is on it way.

Well, you couldn’t be more right, because the next thing you’re going to do is hit the “Cancel Publishing” button, not upload your book to the platform and ask for a refund if you need to. Because you’ve passed the test and shown Dragon Eagle Publishing you’ve got what it takes to make it in this business.

Send everything to us and we’ll get the contract prepped and ready to sign. Welcome to the Dragon Eagle family, Mr. (or possibly Mrs.) Writer. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?